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Friend making me extremely angry!
I'm friend's with this kid. We aren't very close, but I still hung out with him every once in a while. He just makes me so angry! He thinks he's higher up than everyone else! He'll butt into conversations that he has no part being in, and talk shit about random people when they make the tiniest inconvenience. This one time in class we wrre discussing religion. He kept whispering to our table that none of this ever happened, and that god wasn't real. I'm fine if you don't believe in that kind of stuff, but there's no need to put down other peoples beliefs like that! Recently though, a friend if his told me he had some form of autism and can't help this type of stuff. Now I feel extremely bad for getting so angry. But he keeps doing this type of stuff and it's really getting on my nerves. I thought about ending the relationship, but I feel guilty doing so. I'm not sure what to do now, and I really need advice!
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There are many social disorders on the autism spectrum so it doesn't have to resemble the autistic you may have seen portrayed on screen. I do think that what we would consider rude of his behavior may just be a social disorder. We met someone one summer, a friend of a friend and he hung out with us and was always talking as if he was a know it all(this is what I can see people seeing as acting higher up than others) This grown man has never learned how to socialize with others well and at nearly 50 or over, he would start talking even if you were already talking to others, or if your mind was on something else, instead of getting your attention, might stand near you but out of your vision and start talking. WHen you turn around, you realize he wasn't talking to anyone else, just assumed that if he starts talking, everyone will automatically pay him attention. He also would jump into conversations and argue points and try to make himself sound very educated. I now have a son in law like that. Can't escape it. I can't tell him if I think he's wrong on a point. If I share any opinion, that launches him into a one man war to change my mind about my perspective, he sees anything said or written as a challenge to be corrected by his superior wisdom. OTher than that, he's harmless. There are more and more people today who seem to have some variation of this or another. All you can do is when you have gotten to your limit of their tweaked version of socializing and feel ready to snap, then its time to take a good long time away from them. Once you've had some peace and quiet and feeling good again, then if he wants to be near you and starts doing his thing, you will be better able to handle. If you are wondering, no, not a single person I know of who has to deal with such people feel like they have to learn to like it because its a disability. Most of the people with such disorders are not getting any professional training on how to handle their disorder or do not realize or believe they have a problem, even though its obvious to the rest of us. So don't feel guilty and let guilt push you to spend way more time than you can handle in his presence. My husband, (2nd marriage) has less tolerance for my son in law than I and will beg out of some family events if he's see too much of him for his tolerance level. Just listen to yourself. Even though you will be avoiding him at times to recharge your tolerance level, that's not a bad thing so don't look at it that way. I already know from experience that there's no way to force an adult to get some professional guidance or even be tested for a social disorder because I tried, thats when I was younger. People who consciously refuse to admit they have a problem, will at least subconsciously realize there is a problem but they are too scared to find out. And their subconscious will cause them to point the finger at others as the blame or as having problems to get the attention off themselves. I got lots of that from a family member who was always trying to point blame at others when they had the problem. HOpe this helps you a bit.
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I don't know if there is a form of autism that makes someone so rude all the time. I suppose its possible though. Regardless, if you don't like his behavior, then end the relationship. He probably isn't going to change anytime soon. So don't feel guiltily about it if you decide you don't want a relationship with a guy who sounds pretty rude. You aren't ending it because he is autistic, you are ending it because his behavior is inexcusable. Regardless of why. You didn't even know about it anyway. Don't waste time in a bad relationship. Good luck.
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