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What does it mean?
I am really confused and a bit frightened. Back in high school there was this boy that I secretely liked(sometimes we would have small conversations-but nothing really too special) and I believed that after high school things would change and my feelings would just disappear because I knew the odds of us seeing each other again were remote. Now here is my question:
It has been eight years since I saw him last and like I said, I believed I got over these feelings. But, just recently, I had a dream about him and everything came flooding back. I am afraid because I really don't want to have these feelings because I am sure that he has moved on with his life. So I need to know...
Are these feelings just because I am lonely or what do they mean?
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Maybe give some free advice about: What does it mean??
Confused and Frightened aren't normal "optimistic memories" words that people commonly would use to describe an occurrence of having a "dream" about a guy from nearly 8 years ago. Do you agree with that?
And regardless of secrecy, did your crushing spilleth over into a real experience? If so, it may be slightly dellusional to refer to it as a "secret".
Since feelings also come in various forms, its not always the easiest to "just write off" emotions or sentiments when more than just your emotions are involved in the decisions to proactively or deactivatingly proceed with enlightening a crush, whether the probably likely to (quote-unquote, as you refer as to) "see each other again"....
Side Note: "Do you think that your crush may have known about your crush (on him)"? Do you think your crush may have had a crush back onto you also?
And from you story, would you agree that "frightened" and "afraid" are equivalent?
Answering these questions for yourself may help you come to an enlightened "safe space of thought" that allows you to make further amends into finding your own individual path(s) to finding out if you believe that you may be lonely, or something more?
Once you get to that composition space, if you like you could continue to add on to this thread. Everything isn't always solvable in one "treatment" or "sharing experience".
Best of Mindful luck and many blessed happinesses.
~A
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If you have no one special in your life, then maybe you are lonely. However loneliness doesn't have to mean it's the reason behind why you have feelings.
Your subconscious mind is playing tricks on you dear. A lot of people don't give their subconscious much thought but it is always there even when you are wide awake not just asleep. For example, it is our subconscious that runs such things in our body as making us blink our eyes and taking our next breath. These are things your conscious mind does not have to focus on among all other things it needs to do. I don't think I'd get anything done every day if I had to conscious think about blinking and taking each breath, I would never be able to do anything else as that seems a full time job in itself.
Seriously though, the subconscious is tied to our emotions as well. Think of a movie that you found particularly sad and you cried alot. You know it was just fictional and the actors/actresses were only playing a role and that it was not a real situation but it made you so sad you couldn't stop crying. Why do we cry over something our conscious mind says is only a movie? Because our subconscious takes in this info as being real. A scary movie can also make you dream of something you emotionally felt while awake, fear, or happiness for that matter. So what we choose to focus on, our subcon. decides must be very important to us, no matter what the emotion and so whether positive or a negative thing, the subconscious mind will endeavor to give us that which we desire and equates that with what our minds are most often thinking about. Because of our emotions getting involved, any thoughts, or picturing ourselves in a situation or with somebody, will feel all too real. This is why there is a danger in LDR's where the two have never met face to face. Our emotions have to take over and fill in on what we can not experience and what we can not see. The feelings then attached to the little truth we have about a person make it feel like the real thing. But there is no way to know if you are one of 5 girls he chats with online and says he loves or if he is dating someone in person where he lives. You can't know if you have physical chemistry because its not a matter of will power but pheromones which can't sense things over a distance, you have to be physically near the person for your body to pick up these silent signals of whether you are truly attracted or not. In just a dating site before I met my second husband, I thought some guys were the one for me by just our online and phone chats. Then when we met in person, both of us discovered there was a lack of attraction, of that pheromone connection. The more similar or alike our pheromones are with another person, the more we will feel the attraction and that excitement in being near each other. THis is not to be confused with the excitement of anything new like the toy you got at CHristmas that you wanted so bad and focused on all the time and when you got it, it quickly lost your interest because it just wasn't a right fit for you. You quickly learned by that, which toys were better for you or not.
Whatever you feel for this guy, are real feelings, I won't argue that. However these feelings are not based in reality. You only crushed on him, talked a little but never dated or had a relationship with him. Until you do, you can not know if the two of you would have worked out or not. We can have initial interest and feelings or strong liking or love at a surface level but when we get to know a person at deeper levels, all of a sudden there is too much we don't like or will not tolerate. This does not mean you have a problem picking guys, this is the same process we all have to go through in learning to really know a person. Then we assume because feelings came on too soon in the surface level stage of knowing a person that they must be right for us.
I think that your subconscious mind is still wondering if anything could have come from your interest in him in HS and it doesn't want to just give up like your conscious mind. THink of your subconscious as being like a second person inside you with its own feelings and fears and you having to really listen to its needs. I had to call mine by another name when addressing it in my mind or out loud when I am alone. This had nothing to do with split personalities and I wish there was more taught on it.
An example would be someone meeting you the first time and before you could open your mouth, they already knew or said they didn't like you. It wasn't something you did or their conscious mind would know what it was. But instead, at subconscious level, that mind is picking up on a trait or something else like that which it doesnt llke or can't tolerate and so it creates these emotions or not liking or even hating someone.
I beleive the best thing to do to settle your subconscious at ease is to discover if you can find him and if he is still single. Otherwise, you will wonder about this to your dying day, even if you do marry someone else some day.
Try social media like Facebook, Twitter and see if he comes up. If not using his actual names, thats the only way you'd not be able to find him, by this I mean an account name like Lion Tamer, or Kitten lover. If you know his parents names, you can always call them and ask them for contact info. All you have to say is you weren't willing to wait until your first HS reunion to reconnect or get in touch with fellow classmates and just wanted to see if you could contact him. You'll discover whether he is married or not or dating and can then follow through and say hi or at least know in your heart that there is no chance. Even if he is single, there is no guarantee that even if he did decide to take you out, that both of you would hit it off. There are many one sided love situations where either the guy or the gal loves the other but that love is not felt and returned.
Make an agreement with your subconscious that you will attempt to find the guy and check out what his status is currently. If he is single, that you will ask to meet him over coffee to go over old times. (You can always say, you felt there was a friendship there, even though you were too shy in school to pursue it much more than the little talking you did, if he even asks) Tell your subconscious that if nothing pans out and you've truly tried, that it will drop any further thoughts of the guy or dreams and stop having feelings for him. I have made such agreements in many cases, even step by step talking my self or my subconscious out of feeling fear about a dentist appointment. In many ways I think my inner child is also tied to my subconscious and often my sub is very intelligent and then like flipping a coin, is all of a sudden so childish or child like. I accept that is how it will be and therefore always work to listen to myself, my thoughts because it could be my subcon. trying to tell me it doesn't like something. My conscious mind can be understanding and at peace about a situation that goes wrong while my subconscious is extremely upset and irritated. I know when to give it a rest by backing away and focusing on something else so that part inside me is no longer irritated. It actually happened just yesterday again and I quickly explained to hubby it wasn't him but I was snapping in my speech because my subconscious was really irritated so he stopped encouraging me to keep trying to find what I was looking for and I focused on something different;
As much as this might sound like a fairy tale hon, I am sharing the honest to God truth of this. It is the only way I know to naturally deal with a subcon. allowed to do its own thing forever without having to learn to cooperate with your conscious mind. Yes people can be at war with their two minds and as a result, each one sabotages what the other one wants and these people are genuinely miserable all their lives unless they somehow stumble upon the need to be in sync. with both minds.
So you say you don't want these feelings because he may have moved on in life. If that is the only reason, then your conscious mind is in effect over ruling the feelings and the wondering of what if , that your subconscious mind seems to have. So if you decide to not at least give it a real good try, even trying to contact guys who were buddies of his in school to see if they have his contact info, then your sub will never let you have peace because you ignored it's feelings by deciding to go with what seemed safer or easier, ignoring it. What if these feelings are the very thing to wake you into action and what if by your actions, you do find him and the two of you do hit it off and date. What if by some slim chance that does happen and the two of you do fall for each other. Yes, its all a slim chance but it is still a possibility no matter how much the odds are stacked against it. Your sub is telling you, it's not over until you can prove it to me that it is over. ONe way it is over and your thought life can move on is if you can not locate him at all. At least, even if you have regrets you never tried something back in school, you can have some peace that you at least tried.
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