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4 months first partner still in pain
I don't know if this is normal, my gyno says it is. I'm a 27 year old female, I have been with my partner for more than a year and it was the first time we had sex 4 months ago when we got married. I never had sex before and once we did it was really painful inside. I thought maybe by time it would be easier but no. I still feel the pain. Sometimes I don't if I've had a drink or was really relaxed with nothing on my mind but other times I get really dry quickly and then the intercourse becomes painful, even with lubricant. I also don't orgasm from penetration...normal? I've had orgasms without penetration but I don't feel like it's enough any more. How do I overcome this? My husband was really understanding when I spoke to him, we usually take a long time with foreplay, he goes slow and stops if I'm ever in pain but I'm worried something could be wrong with me, I don't want this to last I seriously want it to end. Please advise
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Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
I agree with the advice the other advisors have given you. Seeking a second opinion from a GYN who is not familiar with you is a very good suggestion. Doctors are human and if they are overly familiar with a patient they can tend to overlook things. In your case a 27 year (virgin) old patient complaining of pain during sex may be considered normal for you from a doctor who is familiar with you.
Vaginismus, the following URL ([Link](Mouse over link to see full location)) will take you to a page I believe you should discuss with the doctor, as this is a problem many virgins will have especially someone who may have waited as long as you have. You gave your husband a great gift by waiting. You may need some help unlocking those muscles this is not an unusual problem.
Concerning orgasms; there are two types of women when it comes to orgasms. There are those that orgasm through vaginal stimulation and those that orgasm from Clitoral stimulation. You say, "I also don't orgasm from penetration...normal? I've had orgasms without penetration." This would be normal for a woman who is more clitoral than vaginally stimulated. Given that at the moment you are experiencing painful penetration I would not be ready to say you are among the women that are clitorally stimulated.
What I suggest is you see a new GYN for a second opinion. If you receive a clean bill of health and discussed the possibility of Vaginismus with the doctor which was ruled out. Then I suggest you and your husband seek out a good sex therapist. There is nothing wrong with asking a sex therapist for help.
Sex is as much a learned experience as it is an inherent ability. A sex therapist is generally a psychologist schooled in the area of sexual dysfunction; don't take offense at that word. With this training the therapist will be able to help you find different positions which will be less painful and exercises that will be helpful. The therapist will also help identify if you are more clitoral in nature.
No neither you nor your husband will be asked or required to have sex with the therapist, that's a myth. The therapist will give you assignments for you and your husband to practice at home. Then you will individually and together discuss them with the therapist at the next appointment.
You can overcome this problem that I am confident about. I know you love your husband. The problem is not that. The problem is being violated which happens every time he enters you. The fact that you love him has nothing to do with building a loving comfortable sexual relationship with him.
For a man sex is easy. He gets simulated he gets an erections and he puts his erect penis in a woman's vagina. For a woman it is far more complicated than that. She has to overcome years of fear and parental training, be comfortable in her surroundings and secure that she will not be interrupted. She also has to have a certain degree of comfort and trust in her partner. That comfort and trust does not automatically come with the marriage license no matter how much you love him. If it takes a glass of wine before going to bed to have painless sex then have one. After a while you won't need the wine.
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There is nohing wrong with seeing another doctor for a different perspective. Maybe they will catch smething your other doctor hasn't thought of as te source.
One thing to ask about is vaginismus defined by Webster's as painful spasmodic contraction of the vagina in response to physical contact or pressure (especially in sexual intercourse) That might be it or something to rule out.
As for your second question this is quite normal and incredibly common. Most women don't unless in combination from self-stimulation, oral sex etc. The top two thirds of the vagina has no nerve endings by the way so penetration alone doesn't always work for people and that's okay.
That brings me to my next point that if you engaged in those activites I mentioned before penetration maybe it may help with intercourse. I'm not an expert on dryness but...
You have a fantastic partner in a husband who really wants you to feel comfortable and help figure this out so you aren't in pain. I hope you find the answer soon.
As for the gyno saying what you are describing is normal I would have a hard time hearing and accepting that as fact. Pain isn't ever normal. Not when it always happens. Consult someone else for a second medical opinion. Perhaps other women you can trust friend, sister, relative can give you a referral to someone else.
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Many women never orgasm from penetrative sex alone. That is very normal and it's not necessarily something that can be overcome - because it's not wrong or abnormal. It's a myth in porn and movies that women can always reach orgasm that way. Many can't. They need additional stimulation that just penis-in-vagina just can't provide.
If your gynecologist has given you a clean bill of health, you should speak to a sex therapist with your husband. They really are the experts here, and you deserve an expert who can make sure there is nothing restricting you or contributing to your pain. If you aren't confident in your gynecologist, speak to another one.
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