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I need advice on how to hide a surgery from a parent
I had an traumatic event as a teenager(I'm now almost 31) which left me with an ongoing problem as far as some of my reproductive organs. I lived with my birth mom at the time and never told her. Her and I have always had a strained relationship. So over the past 5 years or so I've suffered in silence as financially and emotionally I didn't have the resources to have the proper medical care to resolve the issue(not life threatening of course). Since the trauma I had moved out but moved back home. I very. lose to my adoptive mom. I am now ready financially and emotionally to have the surgery. I am having my adoptive mom go with me(I live with my birth mother) and will be staying with my adoptive mom after. I am not going to tell my real mother bout this. So how do I tell her I'm going away for the weekend with out the guilt of lying but not telling her why?
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As an adult, you do not owe your mother any explanations as to why you are going over to stay with adoptive mom a while. Fr whatever reason, if you don't wish her to know about it, then that is your choice.
It is considered a common courtesy to those you live with who know of your habit pattern and being home at night, to let them know if you will not be there for a few days, instead of just disappearing for a couple days and not advise where you'll be. Anyone you knew you slept at home every night might worrythat you were in a car accident if you dont show back at home. Thats the only reason you have to say you'll be gone a few days.
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I honestly do not see a problem here. You are an adult of free will. You birth mother or your adoptive mother have no reason to know where you are every minute of every day. If you wish and this, is entirely up to you, just tell your birth mother the truth; "I'm spending the weekend with my adoptive mother." Your not lying as this is true, your just not giving her the full picture. This is all she really needs to know if anything at all.
My son is older than you and single. I don't know where he is every day of the week. He is a firefighter with a work schedule of 24 hrs. on and 72 off. He also has a part-time job as a paramedic and that schedule varies greatly. If I need to talk to him I text him and ask him to call me, if he doesn't get back to me right away I figure he is on a call or he and his girlfriend are busy. If I need him right away for some emergency I add 911 to the text or put a priority on how fast I need to talk to him. We use fire department ambulance transfer codes for priority.
You could make similar arrangements with your birth mother especially if her follow up questions are to the effect. What will you be doing? Where are you two going? Your response is or should then be; "Mom if you need me for something text me."
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