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I found out yesterday I have Herpes.
23/F
So basically I'll start off with I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and when we broke up in June I felt so sad i have always had depression and self harmed myself but no one knew Fourth of July weekend I felt the saddest I have ever felt and looked at my medicine cabinet and said what am I going to take to kill myself I thought about death every day and thought it was normal. I talked to my doctor and she put me on zoloft. I have never felt better until yesterday. I met this new guy and I finally moved on to my ex we had sex twice both with condoms. The only skin on skin action was us in the shower but we never physically did it until after with a condom. The next day I had an outrageous yeast infection and I found out yesterday I have Herpes. I have only been with 2 people and this is what happens...the guy I slept with is in denial and said he doesn't have anything but maybe he does now because I gave it to him! He was with his ex for 2 years and he said they are both fine. I just don't understand how this happened to me and now I am back in my hole where I don't want to live anymore. I feel broken and sad and nobody is going to want me.
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ok i THINK males can be carriers without showing any signs so what hes saying doesnt matter. He should go get tested and so should anyone else you had sex with. they probably passed it on to you without even knowing they did it.
herpes is manageable if you treat it early. look it up and see what can be done. see a doctor about treatment options.
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Symptoms of Herpes might not appear for months or even years after being affected. Not everyone experiences any straight away, so it possible that the new man has it but didn't know and as you developed the symptoms the next day that does sound the most likely. His ex could also have it but they could both be asymptomatic, who knows which of them had it first! They both need to be tested and you need to stop beating yourself up about this. It is completely normal for someone to be in denial when it comes to STD's, no one likes to be held responsible, even unwittingly.
Get yourself treated, drop him a message to tell him he could have had it for years without knowing and suggest that he and his ex get tested. Then start looking forward to the future. There is someone out there who will want to be with you.
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Please don't feel so down. I understand your situation. But it doesn't make you worthless or means you are going to be unwanted. First off,you need to keep herpes in check. And the best way to achieve that is to boost your immune system. One thing I would like to mention is that you should be honest with future partners. The one will come who will accept you in spite of that STI. Trust me. I hope I could help put you at ease.
Best wishes,
Luchia94
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Very Sorry to hear that you got Herpes but no fear because it isn't the end of the world my friend. IF you take the meds then you can have control over it somewhat. Just have to keep it real with your future loves just so you are not guilt ridden your entire life for giving it to someones else. I am sure you already know this.
So why did you and your 5 year relationship end? Are you positive that he isn't he culprit? Just because the 2nd guy denies giving it to you doesn't mean that he is telling the truth. Most people would lie before admitting to knowingly passing an std to you.
My advice would be to forget both of them and concentrate on loving yourself. You will never be able to love someone until you are able to love yourself. Yes, I know it is so cliche' but trust me... it is the truth. YOu must be happy with you! All these thoughts of killing yourself or hurting yourself is proof that you have no self worth and that is very sad. Please know that suicide is the most self centered act in the world. If you think you are just taking yourself out of the world and avoiding pain then you are not looking in depth at how many people love you, and will never be the same if you werew to kill yourself. Do you want to put this burdon on your family?? The hurt that you would inflict on these people that love you would be undescribable and never ending. They would always wonder what they could of done to save you or if it was because of something they did that caused you to choose death over life. Do not even let these thoughts cross your mind , there is so much you have yet to experience. It gets better.... I promise you that. YOu have to be able to handle the lows to be able to experience the highs. Hang in there sweet person.
Very smart to get the meds you need because I know that depression is REAL, it isn't you it is the chemicals in your brain. I will say a prayer for you.
Your knight in shinning armor is waiting for you but it may take a few years before you reach him. It isn't going to be easy but it will be worth all the hard times you go through!
YOu just have to believe in yourself. : )
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Hi baby.... Sweetie... Go see A doctor right away... This is not something you can deal with yourself... You need to take care of that herpes or you will feel worse.... I also recommend seeing a therapist and someone who can help deal with your depression... Bring more positive people in your life... And pray and lean on God... You are in a storm.. You will rise above any other problem that goes your way.. God bless you
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Honestly someone is going to love you no matter what and as long as you treat the Herpes as it needs to be treated and inform your partner of what you have, then I know one day someone will accept you for who you are and what you have and will work through this with you and this will not stop them. Just in the future be careful to who you come into close contact with and make sure both you get tested beforehand! Youre beautiful, lives beautiful, youre so much more than this and you will get through this. Best of luck!
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Oh I am so sorry I'm only a 14 year old team who whacks off in the bathroom. Oh my god this is a fucked up situation. Okay listen I sorry about the herpies I realm am and if he isn't a dick he wont tell anyone. What you have to do is apologize and move on. Find someone ho realm loves you despite your herpies. And remember sex ain't better than love make love not sex because sex is sex just loveless hard-core but satisfying sex. Once again in sorry and I tried my best.
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I am very sorry about what happened to you. You have an amazing story that you should share with teens to encourage them to wait until marriage. What happened to you has happened to many people and I do believe that you can overcome this because if you are still alive after what you've told me, you can overcome anything. I had the same problem with depression but I'm finally getting over it and I want to help as many people as I can. Don't waste your time on men who only want to have sex. Trust me, there is someone for everyone. Wait until marriage but when you think you've found the right one, tell him your story and if he really is the right one, he will stay no matter what. The best thing I can tell you to do is pray. I'll pray for you. I hope you have a wonderful day, and trust me, you are not alone. <3 Stay strong
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There's nothing to feel depressed about. Treat yourself with proper medications after consulting witha doctor.. and you will get well soon.. As for this guy , he is sure a big liar... nothing more than that... get rid off him as soon as possible as he is more dangerous than the herpes
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Thats very unfortunate to hear. I can't say for sure how the herpes came to be, but I've had some health problems in the past that our medicine hasn't been able to help or cure. So I actually go to a Chinese doctor for acupuncture and herbs, my problems are pretty well cured now. They are able to cure or at least help many things our doctors cannot, in a healthy manner without nasty side effects. I had asked him about herpes at one point, pretty sure he said it was something they can at least treat. Either way you should check it out, their methods may seem odd if you're not used to them, but the results speak for themselves. Might even be able to help you with you're depression without the need for medication. If you can at least help that, remember that you did feel happiness again, and you can continue to find it again, do not lose hope just yet. Good luck!
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First go see a doctor the herpes will surely go just treat it and give it time.
Secondly dont put your happiness on people alone because people are not predictable, put your happiness on like game you like to play or something you like to do, That can help in situation like this. you just go and play the game instead of going back in the hole
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Well I don't know why you would have herpes, maybe it was the condom you used, or maybe the symptoms weren't there when you first got it and this was from the first guy. I don't know because I'm not really a doctor but I do know about depression, and self harm its hard but I think the best thing you can do right now is stop beating yourself up for this because it isn't your fault. There is so much to live for and even though you may not see it now you will meet someone that isn't going to care and will love you unconditionally. It takes time for a good guy to come along even if you have to suffer a few heartbreaks to get mr perfect, meanwhile focus on the things that make you happy friend family school look at where you want to be in your future and try your best to achieve your goals. Good luck and just know you are so much more worth it than you may believe.
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I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. I know, first hand, that it can be difficult to hear that you have contracted any sort of STD, whether permanent or not. But perhaps a little info on Herpes, or as it is technically called, HSV or Herpes Simplex Virus, might help.
First off, there are essentially two kinds, oral and genital. And, believe it or, both are rather common, especially oral. I think it's like 1-5 people will get it. Ever seen anyone with a cold sore? That's HSV, not any other illness. In many cases, the oral version is so common and comes from so many forms of contact that it's not even considered an STD all that much anymore. After all, babies get it from older relatives with a cold sore kissing them sometimes. Students who wrestle in school have gotten it from close contact with other wrestlers who are having an outbreak at the time.
So, long story short, while there was a stigma with herpes, it's really not that bad so long as you treat it. In fact, even the stigma is fading some to a degree.
Don't give up. Nothing is worth ending your life. Be strong and know that you can get through this and I am very, very confident that someone, maybe many guys, will still want you. After all, if HSV stopped people from having a desire for one another, we'd have a lot more single people.
Just be careful with relationships and continue using the Zoloft. You got though the breakup, you can do the same with this. And I really think you'll come out stronger.
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So one thing you shouldnt do is kill yourself for a guy! I had to learn that the hard way. This guy I thought was the one I truly was in love with just broke my heart. I was despressed for a long time. When it was summer vacation I slept all day I never went to sleep until 6:00 am . I waked at 7 or 8 . I would always grab my sharp knife and cut myself and take a picture. I thought about running away I thought about just sticking a knife in my heart oh gosh it was painful and just think ......I only did it for a guy that broke my heart . I cry thinking to my self he dont deserve my tears. I had to get back on my feet and that bought miracles. I told myself I would never would date a black guy well looking at the future I think I already found that. And if that ever happens again I would stand up with my head high with no tears because in life everything happens for a reason. You do matter. I care alot and if you ever need to talk heres my email ( aj5588509@gmail.com) feel free because I've been through what you have been going threw. And also your yeast effection I know nothing about ....but I do recommend you searching that ...or ill give you an update just email me anytime ...I will respond hun goodluk!
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You shouldn't look at it that way. Doctors are coming up with new medicine and technology, but for right now, they can control it. I myself am on Zoloft. Everyday is a battle for me. But if you were going to kill yourself, you wouldn't be making life easier, in fact you would make it extremely harder for someone else. As far as finding someone, the right person will come along that will accept everything about you. I know it sounds cliche, but it is true. Some find theirs early in life, others when they are a bit older. The most important thing is to find people going through the same thing and talking about it. Remember, you are not alone.
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I'll be honest. I had a difficult time reading this. I understand where you're coming from with the self harm. I use to do that with sharp objects. Rejection always makes you think that you weren't good enough for them. When in reality they weren't good enough for you. It's a hard concept to grasp, especially when depressed and thinking "it had to do with something I did or didn't do." You can beat yourself down with all those questions trying to figure out what went wrong.
Now from what I read, I am unsure who you slept with. Now if it was the guy of 5 years and you only had sex twice during the whole 5 years, and you caught it from him, logic stands that he probably cheated on you and contracted it.
If it was the new guy you slept with, he probably had it before you guys got together. Either way, most males are unaware that they have a contracted STD. They don't have the same symptoms that we do. And herpes is viral. Meaning that condoms won't protect you from getting it. Herpes is transmitted through direct skin-to-skin contact. This happens when a contagious area comes into contact with a tiny break in the skin or mucous membrane tissue, usually on the mouth or genitals. Most skin on the body is too thick for the virus to go through. Genital herpes can be transmitted sexually both when symptoms are present and sometimes when symptoms are not present. There are several days throughout the year (called asymptomatic reactivation, asymptomatic shedding, or subclinical shedding) when the virus may be on the surface of the skin, but there are no symptoms. Herpes can be passed through sexual contact during this time. Males with herpes tend to have breakouts down the shaft and around the testicular area. They might look like ingrown hairs or zits. So if your bodily fluids touched anywhere down there and was still on you that could be one way it was transmitted. If he had it on his hands and/or his mouth, it could have been transmitted through fingering or oral sex. And adding the shower water made it more fluid for transmission.
Genital herpes cannot be cured. There are medicines that can help control flare ups.
The reason he's probably in denial is because he wasn't showing any problematic symptoms.
It's is and is not your fault that you caught it. It's their fault for not informing you prior to sexual activities.(He should have at least gone to the doctors every three months to be personally safe) And from what I gathered, it sounds like you met guy #2 and got right under him rushing things before getting tested. It's a sucky situation because now you don't know the point of origin and you are stuck with an incurable viral disease.
This does not mean that no one will want you. But you will have to be Majorly Majorly selective when you pick your next partner. This way you save yourself heartache and rejection and also so you don't spread it or catch something else. And you have to be completely open and honest with this, because it would be wrong to not tell someone because you're insecure, ashamed and embarrassed only to have them catch it and then jump to conclusions and leave you because you weren't honest with them. If you tell them up front you give them the choice to decide whether to progress further with you or to politely decline.
Look into medicines for herpes. Talk to your doctor about them so you can decide which would be best for you. Also have them check your mouth, fingers and skin to see if it was spread anywhere else. Masturbation can spread it to your hands, especially if you have an open wound on you nail bed or hands. Make sure you are taken care of in every way before looking for another mate.
I can only hope this will get better for you. I wish I could say with 100% certainty every thing will be fine, but we both know how life is.
If you need someone to talk to when you're in a down period I am here. If it's personal that you would rather not discuss on a forum you can email me. bloody_princess05@yahoo.com
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Herpes can spread through various ways. Such as oral sex, anal, and of course regular. But it also can be spread through the skin. Apparently you can get an infection from it just by having contact with the sore or perhaps through sweat or some other function. But in order to get it, you have to have that type of contact with someone else who has it. So either your ex has it, or your current boyfriend does. The only way to find out is to have them tested. I know that having herpes may seem like a hopeless and isolated thing, but you must've give up. Whoever you are with will have to be okay with it because it is now a part of who you are. So before anything gets serious with whom you date, you MUST let them know what they're getting into. Many people have herpes, it's quite common in the U.S, and they've just had to learn to cope with it. You'll eventually find someone who will love you enough to take that task on in order to be with you. Although there is no cure for herpes, there are medications you can take to help make it less likely for your partner to receive it, but of course, no guarantees. Please don't take a permanent action that you will regret or that will result in losing your life. You must keep going.
Hope this helps~
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I have to assume when you say "found out" that you were diagnosed by a doctor. The doctor should have explained the condition to you and prescribed medication. As unfortunate as it is that you have contracted an STD you are far from alone. There are support groups online where you can connect with others who are suffering from genital herpes.You need to continue to see your therapist and come to understand that your happiness and self worth does not depend upon whether you have a boyfriend or not. You need to take this time to work on yourself and your issues. When you have learned to be happy with yourself then the right partner will come along and love you for who you are. Many people with genital herpes have found partners and lead very happy lives. Look up celebrities who have STD's and you will be shocked at some of the names you see there. It isn't the end of the world. It is manageable with proper care and medication. Your depression and acts of self harm are far more serious than the STD. Please seek therapy if you have not already done so. Take care.
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Do check the links given already from other advice person and look up more on your own. There is a lot of misinformation or assumptions regarding Herpes.
I learned the hard way, by discovering I was a carrier of Herpes.
You did mention a really bad yeast infection. I know some gals who let an infection hang around too long before going for medical help, including one daughter and end result is the infection can morph in raised bumpy rash with blisters that burst, depending on what you what...and I am not talking about herpes yet. I have seen lots of babies in the church nursery with horrendous rashes on their bottom, raised bumpy and broken open blisters and they were in major pain. You didnt say that the Herpes was diagnosised by a Dr. So I hope you are not assuming you have it due to the infection you have.
Also important to know is that when a person goes in and asked to be checked for STD's, they don't always include herpes screening unless you mention you've had multiple partners or have experienced something you think might be an outbreak. I always assumed it was included. My ex and I got tested in the beginning but not for herpes. He had multiple partners before me, and I had zero. After divorce, before dating, I got tested again, and again assumed it was included, again told I am disease free. So I could now go on to finding another partner and make sure the partner gets screened too. A few years later I decided to do another STI screening and just happened to ask this time, "the test includes screening for herpes, right?" I was shocked to find out that no, it didn't, not unless I asked for it.
So many people may be doing the right thing, getting screened by there are reasons why the CDC center for disease control don't feel it is important to include, except for under special circumstances. And here is a link on that:
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So there may be a lot of people who are carriers of the virus and not know it because they have never had an outbreak and may never have one.
Ad lot has to do with the health of ones immune system. So if you are under tremendous stress always due to your lifestyle, then your imune system suffers and it is more likely you could have an outbreak. In my case, I dont know if I got it from my 1st husband I married at age 20, or any sex partners I had after who had been screened. However, once I got my blood test results back on herpes and it was Positive, I began to read everything I could on it and realized, my life was not over.
But, I did owe it to tell others that I know I am a carrier though I've never had an outbreak. I put it in my dating profile, wanting to screen out those really squeamish about that. If I did meet a guy though, I would ask him if he already had the virus or didn't. I wish i had known to purposely ask to be screened. My doctor said that so many people have it and dont know it, that it would be ridiculous to routinely screen for it with STI's or even a general physical exam because a great majority of people are all going to test positive.
You could already have been a carrier and just needed a major stress to help lower your immune system and it sounds like you had yours, break up from a 5 yr relationship, feeling so depressed you want to kill yourself. Thats what caused you to have an outbreak.
Please read carefully anything on how herpes is transfered. For those with any sore, no matter the size, it is very painful and they are most likely to not engage in sex when theres a break out. I have sinced my diagnos met and married my husband who said he was also diagnosed as a carrier but for oral herpes. I've never gotten that from him and he's never gotten the other from me in 7 yrs now being together and we're very active, at least every other day if not daily having sex.
The virus is passed so easily from sores that burst and you coming into contact with..thats a given. What people dont know is that the virus hides dormant at the base of nerves awaiting their trigger and then travel up the nerves to lay on the skin surface unseen for a day or two before eruption of sores. I have since had 3 outbreaks that were very tiny and gone just as quick. but being very in tune with my body, I noticed the the skin in the area of a previous outbreak felt really tender and sore to the touch, like it was rubbed too much, or lets say, the pants were too tight and cloth rubbing you sore even though no skin is torn. No visible mark. ANd 2 days later I'd have my outbreak. Cant say its the same for all people but I seem to get warning so if i do feel that tenderness on the skin surface I let the husband know and we avoid doing anying for a couple days. If nothing appears, Im in the clear, if it does, we wait. Same for if he gets the mouth one, he gets the same warning a day before and will let me know to not kiss him for a couple days to be sur e. If one is this cautious with a partner, then its likely you may be able to avoid infecting the other in a new spot.
For you regarding finding a guy who will have you with this condition, I would wait for a him asking to see you again like a 2nd date or asking to date you and then tell him that you have herpes, if thats the case. Tell him that many people are infected and don't know because not all carriers of the virus ever have symptoms. So if he likes you but is seriously thinking of not being with you over your having herpes, ask him to humor you and go for an STD screening and specify he also wants to be tested for herpes.
Any guy serious enough about finding the gal he wants to settle down with and marry will do that. And some guy may end up surprised to discover he has it also, therefore if he's already got it, theres no reason not to date you.
Or you can always go to a dating website strictly for those with Herpes.
If you find the Zoloft doesnt work, let me know as I am reading books by a psychologist who teaches CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy for treating anxiety and depression. Your last statement is a typical negative thought that has no basis in fact. I dont pick on you...just want to help. SO if your doctor isn't using CBT therapy with you, its important to at least check out this site if you find the meds dont work or side effects real bad. And ask for Dr.s in your area who are trained in CBT.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck dear.
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Of all the STDS out there Herpes is one you can live with. You must always insist on condoms from now on and refrain from sex during and outbreak. Condoms don't stop all STDS but they do protect against many. Today's medications will limit the number of outbreaks if any that you will have.
The health department will want to know who you have had sex with and will contact them and ask them to be tested. Testing your sex partners is how the health department traces the carriers to find the source of your infection. A person can be a carrier of an STD without showing signs of infection. IF they have never had and STD screening they would never know they are infected.
The first thing you need to know is what type of Herpes you have as there are two different types. Then find out what type of treatment your doctor recommends. I recommend seeing a communicable disease specialist rather than having your family doctor treat you. If you have not been contacted by the health department you should contact them so someone else is not infected by one of your two partners.
Below are some sites I found that you might find helpful. I found them by typing "Living with Herpes," into a search engine. This is not the end of the world. With proper treatment and a slight adjustment in lifestyle towards sex you can still have a sex life and still marry and have children. This is one reason why I've included the URL for dating Web site for people with Herpes that I found when I ran my search.
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