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Pregnant
I'm 16 years old, I had asked a question a few weeks ago because I was wondering if I could of been pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I know sometimes the tests could be false, but I'm nauseous in the mornings, hungry all the time, and no sign of my period at all so I think the test is accurate. I don't know how to tell my parents, they're so strict..
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
I had a read of your previous question before answering this one just so I know what's going on. Firstly you may want to consider getting another pregnancy test done - it is always a good idea to double check. I have had friends who have gotten themselves in a panic thinking they might be pregnant and taken a test showing positive even when they actually were not pregnant. Try a second test to see what that comes up as. Or better yet (and I would urge you to do this anyway whether you do so after telling your parents or before will be up to you) but speak to your GP/Doctor to get a test - it will be a lot more accurate.
Stress can affect your period and if you have been under a lot of stress it could be why it is late.
Your parents may get angry or upset at the news but they will still be the most supportive people in your life to help you through this so letting them know about it soon will also help you even if doing so initially will not be easy. If you are having trouble talking to them then a note will be a great idea (as someone else already said in their comment you can arrange to go away for the night and leave the note for them to find). If you feel you actually want to talk to them then perhaps you may find it more comfortable to talk to your mom alone first? Perhaps even a different family member who you feel you are able to talk to more openly who can then come with you to your parents when you speak to them about it just to be there for moral support?
You will also need to decide on what you want to tell your boyfriend, if you haven't done so already. I will just hope that he will stick by you through it all if indeed you are pregnant.
Good luck.
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Telling your parents that you might be pregnant (and I say might because you really should get it confirmed by a doctor) has to be difficult I'm sure. But so is bottling it up. And as long as you plan on having the baby, which I sincerely hope you do, they will find out eventually any way so there is no point in hiding it.
I know you are worried because your parents are strict. But I am willing to bet that they are that way because they love you and don't want anything to happen to you. Sure, they might be upset or disappointed but because of that love for you those feelings will pass and they will be there for you.
I also think any respectable parent would also commend you on showing the maturity to take responsibility for the situation and would respect you for caring enough to bring the baby into this world whether you would put him or her up for adoption or raise the child yourself.
Sit them down with you and let your emotions and heart pour out about the situation. I really think you will be better off for it.
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There are any number of ways you can think to use to tell your parents and I will list them for you. First I think the best thing to do is to schedule a doctor’s appointment and have a doctor confirm you are pregnant. Home test is a fast but not perfect test. Being 16 under a federal law called HIPPA you can see a doctor without parental permission or knowledge. You may go to any doctor of your choice or women's clinic.
It is understandable you are going to be afraid to tell your parents. One thing you have to know up front is under the same HIPPA law you not your parents have total control over this pregnancy. This means they cannot force you to have an abortion or not have one. They cannot force you to keep the baby or give the baby up for adoption. They can try going to court but they would be wasting their money as this is a federal law and unless they can prove you to be mentally unfit no court will rule in their favor. Getting pregnant does not make you mentally unfit.
Now how do you tell your parents:
1. You could ask mom to accompany you to the doctor’s office and have the doctor tell her. This will give mom a bit of time to digest the news and hopefully help her remain calm. I can't say the same will be true for when you tell your father.
2. You say your parents are strict. If they are also religious you could go to the pastor of your church and ask the pastor to help you inform your parents. With the pastor being present things will remain calmer and the pastor can help them digest not only the fact that you are pregnant but the fact that the HIPPA law applies and how it applies. The doctor will do the same when informing your mother.
3. If there is a favorite Aunt or Uncle you can go to with this news that may be able to help you break this news to your parents. Then you may want to go this route.
4. If you decide to tell them directly. The best way is to set them down and tell them straight out. "Mom dad I'm pregnant." Say nothing more, let the shock hit them and wait for whatever tidal wave is going to come. Try to keep yourself calm and not to cry or scream at them. Because you are going to have to explain the HIPPA law to them for I'm sure dad will have a lot to say as to what he wants you to do about this.
Yes in this day and age it is a bit foolish for anyone to get pregnant when they don't want to. Frankly given your age I blame the boy more then you. He should know better and have worn a condom. But I'm more liberal then your parents and I would have had a different conversation with you when you came of age.
This is now ancient history. What is done is done and you, not your parents have to decide what the future is for you. If you believe in abortion and that is your decision regardless of your parents views there is nothing they can do about it. If this is your choice don't wait to long for the first trimester can pass quickly. So have you plan ready when you tell your parents.
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You could repeat tests of course though it sounds very likely to me that you are pregnant. A trip to the doctor will definitely confirm things one way or another and I can appreciate you want to be absolutely sure before mentionining it to your parents. Don't want to put each other through it for a false alarm. If you are then naturally, they will have to be told as it isn't something you can keep to yourself. I imagine the main issue will be whether or not you want to have a child at 16 and how your boyfriend/partner feels about it. A young couple can have their first child and raise it with every success if both are committed and willing to embrace the responsibilities. The support of both families is a great help to young couples. And however 'strict' parents are, they are quite likely to be supportive in cases where their offspring appear happy and content and committed. After all, they'll no doubt want you to be happy, and be grandparents themselves some time? Possibly your circumstances re. your partner are not quite this settled, to put it mildly? I don't know, obviously. But they will still have to be told, and really the sooner the better. If you are pregnant, you are, and nothing can undo the fact. So it's time to discuss things, think reasonably and rationally, and begin to plan your path ahead. Whatever that may be. Weigh everything up and be open to things your parents may point out. And be totally honest with yourself about your own expectations and future plans. And how the responisibilty of a child will impact on them. You need to work things out so that they are right for. There are plenty of great mums who had their first child between 16 and 18 and do not regret a single thing. If a child right now really is just too much (with or without a committed partner) then terminating a pregnancy is a perfecly safe, routine, morally and ethically sound option and nothing whatsoever to feel ashamed or guilty about. What we need here is the right choice. And that means right for YOU at the present time.
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If you find you can't get up the nerve to just start talking and telling them, my next suggestion is to write a note and leave it for them to read. What I would suggest is getting the okay to spend the night at a friends house and before leaving, leave your letter somewhere Mom and Dad are sure to find it like on the toilet seat. Ask them in your letter to take the time first to talk with each other and grieve for the position you find yourself in or get their anger out. Let them know you chose to tell them this way as you know its going to be a hard thing for them to accept but what you need most right now is their love, their support and their guidance. You dont need to be told you made a big mistake, you already know that.
This is a good way for parents to have some time to absorb the shock of it without the possible knee-jerk reaction of their emotions affecting you negatively, hurting you.
It might seem like a chicken way to present such news but you'll have plenty chance to talk with them afterwards on the topic, once they've hopefully calmed down.
In case this is a Christian household with the belief of no sex before marriage, the reactions can be worse and take them much much long to come to grips with. However, if this is the case and they are being too harsh with you, ask your Pastor for help and let him know what happened and that your parenting in their dissapointment are being really harsh and hateful towards you and leave it to him/her to counsel your parents and possibly you too.
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Your parents will probably be disappointed and upset, but they're also the people that are best able to help you. You can try speaking to one parent first, or sit them both down and tell them that you think you're pregnant. The hardest part will be working up the nerve to tell them, but once you get the words out, you will be okay. They will probably react negatively, but after that point, they will also help you figure out what to do.
Good luck!
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The most important thing is for you to be honest and up front, and as soon as possible. Hiding the truth from them is only going make you stress out more, and the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to tell them. I don't know if the young man in question is someone who will be a part of your life and take responsibility for his part in this situation; I don't know whether you plan to see the pregnancy through, give the child up for adoption, or raise the child yourself. No matter what choices you make from here on out, though, your family is going to be your strongest support system. They may be very upset with you right now, but you're going to need their help no matter what you do in the future. Teenage pregnancy is a difficult thing to deal with, and you're going to need all the help you can get. STAY IN SCHOOL; having an education is still of prime importance. Find out what other resources are available as far as counseling and financial assistance; you're going to want that kind of help, too. But definitely talk to your parents as soon as possible. They can help you through all of this, and though you're afraid of their reaction right now, you'll be glad of it later.
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