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My gf and I split up
Hey, so is going to be a bit long, I'm sorry. My ex and I split up about half a year ago and we decided at the time that I would keep our dog Spot because she would be moving in with her dad and he and his wife have like 5 cats. I didn't want any complications so I asked her to give me full custody of her and I would give her visitation rights. Well, after we split up, the break up got really difficult. I gave her more than two months to move out her things and it got to the point where I had to start threatening to throw her stuff out so that she would come get them. We had a lot of arguments after the break up to the point that I don't want anything to do with her anymore because every time she came by to pick up her stuff, which was more than several occasions, she would make things really difficult and hard. I really didn't mind being friends with her then, but her attitude just made it really hard and I've never considered ever beings friends with my exes because of the drama. I'm a bit traumatized by the negative interaction that we had after the break up and I just cannot and do not want to associate with her anymore, but she insists on seeing the dog. The more often she wants to see the dog, the more often I have to see her. I feel like if I already have to deal with her presence and if she wants to be more involved in my dogs life then she's going to have to start paying up the costs to care for a pet. Since we've broken up I've been paying for all of her food and taking care of her. I really don't understand her desire to see Spot at all because when we were together I was still the one that took her out when she needed to be outside, fed her, and gave her baths. Whenever she was home and my dog was in the way she was yell at her and say "Move!"
Why is she so keen on seeing my dog? Every time she visits she only spends 15 minutes outside with her and comes inside my apartment and will sit there for almost an hour.
Recently I told her that she can see the dog, but I don't want her in my apartment anymore. What are my options and what should I do? I've considered giving her my dog as well if she gets the chance to move out of her dads, but I think I'm better suited for my dog because she is a golden chow mix and can be headstrong sometimes. My dog only listens to me and I don't know how Spot will be with her. Since she left, Spots attitude has changed for the better for some reason. She doesn't pull as often as she does on the leash and she listens to me better when I tell her to "leave it" and "lets go", she use to be a bit aggressive with strangers being within visible sight, but now she can walk away from them and I really love it.
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Honestly, I think she wants you back. She still cares about you. Because as you said she didn't really care for the dog before, but now she always wants to see the dog. She's using the dog as an excuse. Just like she uses her things being there because she knows if she gets all of her things out,there's no reason for her to be there. Which means that she couldn't see you. From the looks of it maybe you're the one who called it off? She makes things difficult Because that's her way off showing she still wants you. It's not much of an answer but maybe it will help put things In perspective for you about your ex's behavior towards you.
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I don't see any legal reason for joint custody of the dog, especially if the dog was yours before you two moved in together. She also has no legal right to enter your apartment without your permission even to visit the dog.
From what you have written I believe the quickest way to put an end to all this is to tell her that this. In the future if you want to visit and play with the dog I can meet you at the dog park. Then when and if she does call do not always be available when she wants to visit the dog.
Should she call and want to visit say on Saturday afternoon. Tell her I have company this weekend but I could meet you Monday after work. Things like that. Slowly make the visitation time inconvenient for her and at times more convenient for you or at least times that you can plan for.
If you still live in the same apartment you shared. Ask the apartment manager to change the locks just incase she made copies. This way you are sure she can't get in and make sure the manager knows she is no longer living with you and has access to your apartment for any reason if you're not at home.
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I dont think shes actually there to see the dog, i think shes purposely trying to make your life a living hell and doesnt want to let go of you and by coming to your house to see the dog, she gets to still associate with you and see what youve got going on in your life. She also may secretly not want to break up and doesnt want to admit she eff**ed up with you.
Your RIGHT it doesnt make sense for her to take the dog out for only a few minutes but then spend the bulk of the time shes visiting INSIDE the house. This clearly says something about her intentions, and i think you need to cut ties.
Also if shes coming over to pick up more things, what you could do is offer to haul it ALL (or most of it) to the new location. Act like a gentleman and like your doing it because you still care about her as a person but that this just isnt going to work. This ALSO is a secret for "i want you out of my house asap and im willing to move all your stuff out NOW so that theres no need for you to come back over and over, therefore ill get to see you less. see??
It may look like your being nice but in reality your getting rid of her faster while maintaining your dignity to others, and making her look awful for doing anything but excepting and acting like an adult.
Whos dog is it EXACTLY? because if you bought it together then yeah you may need to just let her have the dog if you really want to cut ALL ties with her. Either that or tell her to start paying up for its care or else she cant see him anymore. who PAID for the dog? if you paid, and your dog is licensed to you then its your dog and no one elses.
this is really a matter of how far your willing to go to get rid of her completely. She may also after a while get tired of visiting the dog and just stop if you say "well im too busy for you to visit the dog at the house as ive had the locks changed now so ill meet you and you can play with the dog outside at a park when its most convienant for both of us.
This will tell you alot if she continues to want to see the dog or not, because while you sit in the car and play on your phone AWAY from her, she has the right to spend time with the dog and you dont have to deal with her until shes done.
If she spends the whole time near YOU with the dog instead then she probably still wants to see whats going on in your life and this isnt really about the dog at all.
Stop letting her come to the house to see the dog. ONLY meet her outside at a park where the dog can play and you can sit somewhere away from her within eye sight so she can spend time with the dog but you dont have to talk to her and see how long she wants to keep doing this.
If she stops wanting to see the dog because it cant be at your house then that means she just wants to be in your house and the dog isnt really why shes there at all.
good luck
; )
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