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Should I keep this puppy?
I adopted a puppy from a rescue organization about five weeks ago, and it's absolutely killing me but I think I need to considering giving her back to the rescue, and I'm not sure what the right decision is.
She is a German Shepherd mix puppy, almost five months old now and about 40lbs currently.
She is a very sweet dog and I really really like her, but now that she has come out of her shell more and more I'm beginning to feel like I'm not equipped to handle her personality.
I spent a lot of time looking for the right dog. I only looked at rescues because I wanted to give a dog in need a home, and I was looking for a dog that was friendly, loving (affectionate), and gentle. The right dog for me is one that could be described as a "gentle giant", so when her profile on the rescue's website used those words I thought this is definitely the dog for me. I met her and spent a good couple of hours with her before deciding to bring her home. I had described to the rescue the personality I was looking for, and they were sure too that this was the dog for me.
The thing is, she was also very shy. I knew this going in, and I knew that I'd need to spend a lot of time socializing her so that she could be more confident. I did exactly that, and she has gained soo much confidence since she came to live with me to the point that she is an entirely different dog now that she has come out of her shell.
Despite a lot of obedience training with her and despite her getting to run off-leash each day, she is now incredibly stubborn, pushy, and rough.
I can deal with stubborn, but the pushy and rough nature is what is really making me wonder if she's the right dog for me. She is still sweet, and for a few fleeting moments each morning she will show some affection towards me, but the rest of the day she is not at all the dog that I thought (and the rescue thought) she was going to be.
Any time she wants my attention, she will bark incessantly at me. I know that she just wants to play, but honestly I have started to become a little scared of her because she sounds like a mean guard dog and she barks very close to my hands. Part of this fear is that she bites VERY hard. Again, I know she's only playing and not being aggressive at all, but she does not differentiate between the toy and my hand, so she bites down full force in a snappy way, and when I yelp, or say NO, or try to stop playing, it only makes her be more intense about trying to bark at me and bite me because then she thinks its a game. I am happy to play with her and give her attention, it's why I wanted a dog in the first place, but the fact that I'm starting to get scared of doing so only worries me because she's 40lbs now at five months and she is already being this rough---I just keep thinking will I still be scared to play with her when she's a 70-80lbs adult?
Normally, I would be very concerned about returning a dog that bites like this but I know that she is genuinely not showing even a tiny bit of aggression and is honestly just playing (very roughly, but playing). I know that someone with more experience with dogs like this would probably be able to teach her to play nicely--but I'm beginning to believe that my fear is contributing to her behavior because she seems to pick up on it and get more intense. I think she needs a more confident handler to become the great dog that I know she can be, I'm just not sure if I can do that for her in the way that she needs.
It kills me to even consider this because I feel like I'm giving up on her, which is something I never thought I'd do with a dog....ever. I believe that dogs are family---but I'm just not sure that I can be what she needs me to be. If I have to give her back it will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because I already feel attached to her. I just want to do what's best for her though.
Should I return her to the rescue? I should mention that this rescue NEVER euthanizes dogs, and that they would place her back up for adoption so that she could find another home...I just want to be clear that if there was a possibility that she would be put down I would not even be considering this because I could never do that to any dog.
Basically the way I see it, my options are either to try to continue working with her or to give her back. If I did not find myself becoming scared of her, I would never even think about this--of course I would work with her until she learned---but if it turns out that this fear ends up getting in the way of me training her down the line....wouldn't it be easier for her in the long run if I accept that I'm not equipped to handle her now so that she doesn't get too attached or too set in her ways? She's still very young so I know she could adapt easily to a new living situation, and I feel like she loves all people the same as me so I don't think she would be too shaken up by it.
Honestly, I wish so badly that she was how the rescue described her and how she acted when I first met her. I can't hardly even believe she's the same dog and it makes me so sad because I thought I had found "the one". I'm happy that she feels confident and comfortable to be herself now----but I don't know if she's "the one" anymore.
Should I keep trying? Or is it better for her if I give her back now?
Please help me this is an impossible decision... but I know it's better to make it now than later.
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pets?
The rescue organization may not have any staff that are good with matching a human to a dog, instead of a pet to the human. Their main goal is to find good homes for the animals and if a willing person comes around asking, they'll make sure you go home with a pet, whether the two of you are right for each other. What you think you are looking for and need and you have decided to look for, may not be the right fit for you. I have heard of some dog breeders who will study the individual personalities of each puppy in a litter by testing the pups with certain tests to see how they respond. ..because even though a certain breed may have typical characteristics, all animals will still have their unique personality just like humans do. Its not so different as how you relate to people. there are those who you would gravitate towards as friends, and others whose personalities would drive you up the wall. Same with pets.
Problem is, as far as I know, there are not too many people who really study closely the personality of the animal to match it with the right human nor take time to ask the human to share about themselves to make sure you are truly looking at not just the right breed but right personality. Adoption and rescue places don't having the staffing nor usually that kind of training or even time to get to know each animal that intimately.
So my suggestion to you is to return the dog and as much as you want one, not make another decision right away. Instead, take the time to go to the rescue center weekly, daily if you have that time, even if just an hour to go spend with the dogs and get to know them well. the more time you spend with them, the better you'll get a feel for each ones unique personality. It may take months and months of doing this before you find the right pet but it will be worth it in the end.
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