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My lover doesn't climax
I swear I see God when I have sex with my current partner - he's the first man to ever make me cum. The problem is he doesn't seem to get off....ever. We've been together twice, the sex has gone on for hours and still no climax for him. I have suggested we bring another woman in (hoping that would help) he says he doesn't care either way, Im not really inclined to force the issue and I don't want to pressure him about it but I feel like maybe I don't please him....what should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
Since you have not given your ages lets do this by the numbers. There are any number of reasons why he can't climax during intercourse.
First question: Can you get him off orally or with a hand job: If so the problem may have to do with a fear of getting you pregnant. This is very possible many men have this fear. It does not matter if you are on birth control or using condoms.
Second Question: Has he ever climaxed during intercourse with you. You say ever as in never but you need to be specific if we are to help him. It is not unusual for a male to occassionally not beable to get off. Stress, diet and medications can be a problem.
As others have written you need to communicate with him and him with you. The key to any succesfull relationship including sex is the ability to talk openly. Maybe he has a fethish most people do and there are tons of them. Just remember their is nothng wierd about what happens in the bedroom just as long as both of you consent to doing whatever it is that will help him in geing off.
One adviser wrote about bondage, this requires a great deal of trust, in whoever is going to be tied up, in the other partner. Crossdressing is another as is spankings. There is nothing wrong with theses fetishes just as long as you and he are both willing to indulge the other. This is where communication comes in. So talk to him.
If the above is not the problem then you should help him with the folowing.
1. If you are not aware of what type of stress he may be under at work or home ask him. There are ways to handle stress.
2. Ask him to make an appointment with his doctor for a complete physical and to tell the doctor of this problem. Offer to go with him.
3. If his doctor finds nothing wrong then it is time to see a Urologist. His doctor should suggest this if not you should suggest it. The Urologist or and Internist is a Doctor who specializes in the area of the body covering the sexual organ.
4. If sill nothing is found to be wrong then I suggest you and he find a phychologist who practices sexual psychology for his problem most likely is mind over matter and this is the doctor who will do him the most good.
Do this by the numbers, first by talking openly then by the process of eliminating the most worrysome first. Some way along the way the problem should be found.
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It is rare for a man not to climax during sex, it's far more common for a guy to ejaculate too soon to ensure his partner is satisfied. It is realistic to say that in most cases 15 minutes of actively coupling is a long session for many couples. 'Hours' before a guy climaxing is not usually in the picture (though some women would no doubt feel delighted with the scenario) and in your case he seems not to 'get there' at all? Obviously if a guy loses or partly loses his erection it can prove impossible for him to climax, but this is NOT the case here I assume? As this makes it impossible to continue having sex at all in the usual manner. I certainly would NOT try inviting another woman to join in, perhaps hoping that this will get him so excited he climaxes? He doesn't seem particulalry 'into' the idea anyway. That's fine. It can be something of a big male fantasy to have sex with two women, but it's fair to say that extremely few relationships actually engage in such activity. I mean, are you going to have another woman with you every time you have sex? I can see that him not climaxing might make you feel you are letting him down? But has he ever suggested such a thing himself? So what's 'going wrong'? Could it be that he feels so intent on pleasuring YOU that he effectively surrenders his own climax? I don't think that perhaps suggesting that you want to make him feel as good as he makes you feel would be presuring him. Have you tried this approach? Suggesting he can 'let go' and enjoy himself, and that you'd LOVE him to? Or possibly, when you feel he is approaching climax you turn-up the heat a little? I'm not suggesting you are lacking in any respect usually of course. More a case of deliberatly amplifying things a bit? Some sexy moves, sounds and words...I'm sure you know what I mean? Put on a bit of a show. It can be quite liberating for both partners. It's for him, you are not (do not need to!) fake your own climax to please him. In terms of technique if you are in a position where you could use your thumb and forefinger to encircle and squeeze the base of his penis (which will also tend to hold his foreskin back and fully expose the head of his penis) this is likely to increase any guys urgency and enhance his sensation, hopefully leading to a satisfying climax? Possibly a position where you are in control of the action might be worth a try? I think the key is to find some way of encouraging him to let go enough to enjoy his climax. A guys climax is fundamentally similar to a womans in some ways. Both have to 'let go' to their own desires at the crucial moment. Hope you might find something in my reply you can work with?
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Personally, I like some foreplay before going into sex. I think it makes it more intimate, gets me more, ready, and should get you going too.
If not, the other people are right. My girlfriend and I got this nifty little thing called a Jizmo, (I know, lame ass name) but it's a vibrating cock ring. The nice thing about it is, it's very stretchy and comfortable, not restricting like most are. Basically, it has two modes, vibrator on top is for you, on bottom is for him. They're cheap as hell and work great, look into it.
Also, light-bondage can be fun. Nothing painful, blindfolds and handcuffs. Put the blindfold on him, and surprise him. Don't let him know what's coming. Maybe it'll spice things up.
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This is a tough one. I think communication is key when it comes to relationships AND Sex. Many people are afraid of opening up about their sexual preferences. Maybe he has a fetish that he's not telling you about? You definitely don't need to make it a three some to make it work.
You might wanna try out some things in order to find out what he likes:
- role play
- toys
- light bdsm (let him tie you up or the other way around)
This might even go deeper than that and he has a erectile dysfunction, which I don't think is the case here because you were having Sex for hours and people with this problem usually can't stay erect for very long.
I hope it works out for you. Good Sex can change your life.
Feel free to send me an email if you'd like to discuss this in private: sex_n_candy@outlook.com
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Age may play a factor here among other things.
The older a man gets, sometimes the longer it takes for him to get hard or it becomes more difficult to orgasm. If he's older, it could be problems with his prostrate, easily addressed by a visit to Dr. or it could be more the newness of the relationship. In my life, I have come across enough men who need more than the visual stimulation of a female to perform. They require an emotional connection with the female which is not going to be there after two times together. It can actually take quite some time. With my 2nd husband, we had a great sex life from the start but the emotional connection hadnt been there at the start and its only grown stronger and stronger over the years. So I recall times where he couldn't come, but still experienced the feeling of arousal and got his satisfaction in working on me only.
You don't need another woman, that only complicates things at this early stage. If youve been together 5, 10 years and want to do so for fun, great but external changes like that are not going to make his subconscious mind ready to let himself go and respond. And he won't until hes ready unless there is some medical issue at the center of this. You can find out if he has any medical issues for which he is on medication for.
Although if he's able to get hard and is just using self control to hold back his orgasms in favor of pleasing you, then you've got a great lover, there aren't many men like that. My husband might have a day where he is dead tired and on the verge of getting sick and yet insists on giving me pleasure but doesnt have enough in him to have his own release. When he's doing better, he'll have his day later when my focus is all about him that day. Just let him know how much you enjoy him. Get him talking about his past sexual experiences, was he ever able to cum and if he has no problem in that area, just relax, compliment him on his sexual prowess, and how manly and tempting he is, build him up with words, with your touches, and let time work on him, eventually he should be able to have orgasms with yuou.
I should add, this can happen for the handful of younger men too who are different from most young men who can have sex easily at the drop of a hat.
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