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Advice needed urgently!!!!!!!!!!
My fiancé and I are planning on moving in together so, that's plan A. My grandparents say that I need a backup plan in case things don't work out, like if we break up, where would I go? What should I/we do.
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I'm not sure why your grandparents would give you such advice. Is it possible they see something that you are not? In general when two people get engaged they have known each other long enough to know almost everything about each other.
Today most engagements happen after a period of living together. Though there are some that the engagement happens and then they live together and get married or marry and then move in together as man and wife. There is something missing here and that has to be something that your grandparents either see or perceive that you are not seeing. I would suggest you ask them or this question is going to haunt your relationship.
As for a plan B that depends on what your living arrangements are now. Who is moving in with who. If you're moving in with him or you are jointly getting an apartment then you need a place to go should you decide to leave the relationship.
If you can afford to you can keep your present apartment for a short period of time until you are sure the relationship will work out. This is assuming you do not live at home. If you are presently living at home would your parents or even your grandparent allow you to stay with them while you find a place to live.
You should also make sure to have at least two months worth of rent and utilities in the bank to cover the deposit on the utilities and the first and last months rent that most apartments ask for. If you have furniture put it in storage and use his furniture if you can. In this way you have furniture you can get to without having to seek a court order and a Sheriff to take what is yours from the apartment you shared with him.
Most important though, since I am in the same age group as your grandparents, is you speak with them before you move in with your fiancé. I have to believe this advice they have given you is based on something they see and are not truly sufficient alarm to say something to you though they are alarmed enough to suggest this back up plan.
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I would put/save back money that is enough for like a down payment for an apt. You can keep it in the bank but make sure its enough for the prices in your area. But when you tell him (if you want to) let him know its not because of your feelings about the length you think it will last but In case of any type of emergency.
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Fiance means that eventually you will be married and living together anyways. I suppose its better to find out if there are things about him that you can not live with, things you discover in the living together stage, 24/7 of being in each others life that you don't get with dating.
I don't know how much you've been in each others lives already, if its enough to really know each other, what you both are as a person at core, how you act when happy, sad, mad, stressed, sick, etc... and whether it is reasonable or unreasonable, how one keeps house, what ones priorities are, how one handles finances, etc... So much to learn and these things can cause problems in a marriage. Sometimes, when one is sure they've found the one to marry, the best step is living together before becoming officially engaged.
Where ever you are living currently, hopefully if a family member or friend, is some where you can move back to temporarily if things don't work out.
I will say that a problem with getting a long term lease on an apt. in both names means both are responsible and if one moves out and the other can't handle the rent and has to leave also, you're ending a rental contract early and there will be fines and the rest of rent that they will lose, expected in a lump payment. Had that happen to me. Lost the other person, couldn't find a replacement and had to break the contract and couldnt pay so that went as a black mark on my record. It is best if one of you only has their name for now on the rental contract and the other would move out if things don't work. There must be friends or friend willing to help you out in case you end up needing to leave him and find a place to land.
I would caution you tho not to dwell to heavily on imagining and worrying about this event happening, because our subconscious minds have an uncanny ability to sense the things your thoughts dwell on most and assume it is always something you wish to see come true and wanting you to have what you think of most, or wish for, it will manuever you into behaving in such ways or doing things that actually jeorpardize the relationship and damage it and bring about the splitting up.
So dont go into this expecting trouble or looking for it. Good luck!
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In a way I can see where your grandparents might be coming from but there are a lot of details here that could make all the difference in terms of what kind of advice a person can offer you, for example, are you moving into his place? Or is he moving into your place? Are you both getting a place together and if so who will be the owner of the property or under who's name will the property be rented under? All these are important in terms of where you will stand IF things take a bad turn. If it's your place then you wouldn't need to move anywhere as it's your place. If he owns the place then he could ask you to leave in which case (I am unsure of the legality of this as it varies country to country I imagine) you'd have to leave as he owns the place. If you both have equal ownership or both share the rent and the property is registered under both your names then I imagine there are a lot of added complicated on who it falls to to make sure the rent is paid in time (if you kicked him out do you have to pay your share as well as his?). There's a lot of questions here and to be honest you should find out what the arrangement is going to be and then if need be speak to someone who is familiar with all these details so you know exactly where you stand. You could also discuss this with your other half and just see what he says although it may not be the best of things to ask as it may indicate to him that you seem dubious that things will work out or you are having doubts about the relationship.
Hopefully however, you will never need to consider this as things will all be fine. :)
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