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My girlfriend wants to become a more MODEST dresser ?
Basically she has asked me to help her by going through her clothing and removing anything that is not Modest. But I do not really know what I should be looking for in this regard but I do seriously want to help her.
I have broken down into categories but would like to know what I should be looking at or removing with modesty in mind
Dresses
Tops and Blouses
Skirts
Shorts
Jeans and Trousers
Lingerie/Underwear
Swimwear
I would really appreciate any thoughts, Ideas
or advice on this
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Maybe give some free advice about: Fashion and Styles?
I agree that it may be helpful to know why she all of a sudden believes this to be an issue if she's never brought up the subject of what she looks like in her clothes before.
I think that asking a boyfriend, or any male for that matter is definitely odd. It depends on the man. But depending on how volumptous a body a female has, men could find her sexy, instead of modest no matter what she is wearing. If the object of this change of wardrobe is to ensure that no man will look at her as a sex object, it's a losing battle. Lets put it this way, men who have raped women have done so to women who were dressed averagely, modestly. The women were not flaunting anything, so how she dresses should be what she is comfortable with, no matter what kind of body she has and no matter what any man alive might be thinking or how they are seeing her.
You can help her best by asking her to think of any females she knows with similar body types whose wardrobe she admires and ask them for help. You could follow any suggestions we might give and still in her mind she might find it not right for her because of what reason she has for wanting to remove certain clothing to no longer wear.
Body shape and contour will affect how an article of clothes looks on a female.
Perhaps she wants a more 'professional' look to aid in finding a job or a new job.
Perhaps she's recently joined a church that stresses women must dress modestly. In that case, I have experience with that area. They don't give you clear guidelines and you only hear disapproval when wearing something. An example, Memorial day church picnic at a lake and the unwed young women wear okay to wear full piece and two piece bathing suits. However the married women if not overweight but trim in looks as myself wore a bathing suit, I was reprimanded, and told it was not modest. The suggestion then was to wear an extra long man's size t-shirt to cover what I was wearing. It was ludicrous because the moment the women who wore the t-shirts came out of the water with now wet tshirts clinging over their bikini clad bodies, it was the same effect as the erotic wet t-shirt contests in some cases depending on how padded the bra tops were.
In general, from those days in church, I found the obsession to be more about how much skin was showing or how much the shape of a womens body is shown off even if no skin is showing. Smaller slender women can hide body shape beneath mumu's, caftens, gowns like choir gowns or the garb of some middle east countries wear the women are totally covered including hair and sometimes faces too.
I never ever chose to pick what I wore by the opinions of others regarding what is modest or even looks good on a person. Colors and cut of clothes are more important in looking your best and feeling good in what you wear. Learning to grow a tough hide and not be bothered by what other people think of you is important.
One more example before I end this, in high school, one of my daughters not big in chest but bigger than most her friends, asked me one day if the top she'd worn that day to school was too revealing, showing too much cleavage. Her friends who all attended churches told her she was showing too much cleavage. I was astounded...I helped pick out the top because it was NOT revealing. The scoop of the top never came anywhere near the edges of her bra. She looked decent, not like a hooker trying to advertise her wares for sale. People can go way overboard if trying to please others.
I would ask the girlfriend if someone mentioned that something she wore was not modest. How does she feel about her warddrobe and why does she think some pieces need to go? And I'd steer her in the direction of asking advice from a woman she knows whom she admires already for how the woman dresses.
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The best way to deal with this would be to figure out why she wants to do this. It is strange that she's having you help her. Does she want you to pick out the outfits that you believe she looks attractive in or that make you think about her body? Is she becoming afraid that you might pressure her into intimacy and thinks that if you remove clothing from her wardrobe that you believe isn't modest that you won't look at her like that? Knowing the purpose of your involvement is very important. This probably isn't just a style change. If she also wants to be treated differently or if she wants to send out a certain message, you're going to want to know what that message is. I feel like it would be easy for her to go through the clothes herself. Don't just involve yourself in this. If you want to be a good boyfriend, try to figure out her thinking so that you respond in the right way to all of this.
A lot of the time, determining if something is modest or not requires her to put it on. Find out if this is going to be part of it.
Dresses
- When she raises her arms up, the length of the dress should be at or below her knees.
- Sleeves should cover her shoulders.
- Necklines should not drop down in front or back and should be relatively close to the neck. No cleavage should be visible when she leans forward.
-Not super tight.
-No cut-out holes/openings on the sides/back
-All of these problems can be solved by wearing a nice shirt and/or leggings underneath the dress. She shouldn't just get rid of a cute dress. Help her decide which dresses need something worn underneath.
Tops and Blouses
-Should cover her midsection when she lifts her arms up.
-Shouldn't be very tight-fitting.
-Sleeves should cover her shoulders.
-No openings in sides or back
-Necklines should not drop down and should be relatively close to the neck. No cleavage should be visible when she leans forward.
-Layering is fashionable/popular now. She shouldn't just get rid of "inappropriate" tops. She could wear a shirt underneath it, or a jacket over it.
Skirts
-above the knee when arms are raised
-not super tight
-You shouldn't be able to see her legs through the material. If you can, she should wear a slip underneath it.
Shorts
-I have a problem with the "fingertip" test commonly used by schools to determine whether shorts are too short. I personally feel comfortable in shorts with a 4 inch inseam. I think that's a better way to do it. Measure from the crotch to the end of the leg of the shorts. This should be at least 4 inches.
-No holes
-No "skinny jeans". Jean shorts can be sort of tight, but cloth shorts should not be.
Jeans and Trousers
-No holes
-No "skinny jeans". Nothing super tight.
-When she sits down and leans forward, you shouldn't be able to see down the back of the pants. If you can, a belt can fix this.
Lingerie/Underwear
-There really isn't such a thing as modest underwear. There is no reason to try for modesty here. If it's something that SHE wants you to look at, take out anything that is bright colored, is see-through, or that consists of very little material. Sports bras and boyshorts would be most appropriate to keep.
-Try not to involve yourself in this one. It is not modest for her to show you her underwear. Try to get her to do this herself if she wants to, but again, it doesn't make sense. She can wear (or not wear) whatever she wants under her clothes and since no one sees it, it's always modest.
Swimwear
-Modest swimwear is a one-piece with no open holes in the lower back, sides, or front. The neckline should be high. Some one-piece bathing suits rise very high on the side of the leg, up to the hip. If she's really trying to be modest, she should wear a shirt and shorts over her swimwear.
-Swimwear with built-in shorts does exist and it can be cute. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Shoes
Heels aren't very modest. :)
The only things she should stop wearing are clothes that are very tight. Most everything else can be worn without a problem through the magic of layering. Try to help her feel confident in her own abilities to judge modesty and help her understand that she doesn't have to make huge changes in order to be more modest. She's probably short of modest anyway. Rather than getting rid of anything, figure out what can be added to immodest outfits to make them modest and go on a shopping spree for undershirts, overshirts, leggings, and a new swimsuit! This should be exciting and a time of gain rather than loss.
Good luck and don't forget to try to figure out why she wants to do this! A good partner doesn't just go along with whatever the other person wants. A good partner wants to understand so that they can provide even better support.
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Girls who dress modestly do not wear short skirts or dresses,short shorts,low cut blouses and really tight pants. Nothing flimsy or see through and swimwear would probably be a one piece or a tankini. If your girlfriend really wants to be modest she shouldn't be asking you to go through her underwear drawer for Heaven's sake! I am sure SHE knows what level of modesty she would be comfortable with. I would tell her to chose what she believes is modest and if you don't agree you will let her know.
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