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I am officially frigid
I have been married twice, and can only orgasm by myself. Never with my former or current husband. My current husband has cheated on me because he says that I am a bad lover, and if I don´t orgasm with him he will divorce me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
Your husband is not very educated about sex if thats his attitude.
Some facts:
A great percentage of woman have never had an orgasm in their life.
A good amount of healthy sexually active women have never in life been able to achieve orgasm with a guy during intercourse.
Women need a longer time than men to be brought to arousal to the point of orgasm, but once there can keep going on going but a good amount of men do not have the patience to work on her for 15, 20 mins or even in some cases much more time.
In case this is what he is referring to, it seems he's more interested in his own pleasure or his pride gets bruised easily. Something like this is not an excuse to go have affairs. Talking to ones partner if they are truly in love and going to see a sex therapist together would be the right thing to do. He isn't acting like he really cares about you to begin with. So for him to threaten divorce, I'd say "Go ahead, good riddance." because you can do better. So far, I'd venture to guess that you picked the wrong guy for you sexually, twice.
A woman is not frigid, she has just not been sexually awakened by the right man yet.
How can I say that? My ex called me frigid. The actual reality was that he and I were a sexual mismatch. He was never satisfied with me. I only had self given orgasms. I married him as a virgin never having had sex before. Bad mistake.
Ah,...the naivety of youth. There is an invisible something that you will experience with the right someone, for one thing, their kiss or touch alone can be enough to start the passions going because you have the same pheremones. Having the same libido's (how often a person wants sex) is important too. The ex was happy with once or twice a week and I wanted sex every other day, he didn't like certain things like oral sex, his eyes never lit up when he saw me undress from day one, etc... We tried reading self help books together, tried watching porn, eventually the extreme of his idea of going to a swing club, which I did. Thats when I first had orgasms with another guy ever. I am not suggesting that for you...just letting you know that you are not alone and theres nothing wrong with you. Just letting you know that eventually I discovered that there was nothing at all wrong with me. When we split, and I began dating, I wasnt looking just for a man who could be my best friend, but a man who would be my sexual equal. So I did check out any guy who I liked the personality, how he treated me, and the attraction was strong and the kisses very exciting and we'd talk about what we like sexually and whats normal for us...and yet, even so...once having tried a couple times with a guy, I'd find we still were not a match...perhaps what he interpreted as his way of being exactly like me sexually, did not come anywhere near what I meant.
So, I can't tell you what to do, I don't know your religious beliefs or whether theres children from the marriages, or what you're comfortable with but if the husband isn't willing to go for counseling with you, you may have to discuss divorce and start all over again, and this time, learn all you can sexually about your compatibility with a guy BEFORE you marry.
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Sex. You are there to enjoy yourself and share in the enjoyment of your partner. He probably feels inadequate and, honestly, maybe he is. Everyone's body is a kind of like a unique puzzle. Some people can have orgasms more easily than others.
Now, the wrong course of action is to place blame on anyone. This is what he's doing. He's blaming you for everything. Is anything at all your fault? Did you intentionally do anything wrong? Of course not, so this situation is entirely unfair to you.
The right course of action is to learn, communicate. Why can you only have an orgasm alone? Is is a psychological issue or a physical issue? Did you touch yourself differently than they touched you? There is a plethora of things that could help you reach an orgasm, but mostly it comes down to communication. What do you like to do alone? Ask the other person to do it. Try to reach an orgasm via foreplay before sex. It'll take some time and patience, but it should heighten your sensitivity during sex.
If it's NOT about the touch and you just aren't comfortable with the person you're sleeping with, then that's a far more complicated issue. It could be that you have issues that prevent you from enjoying yourself that require psychological help or acceptance. It could also be that you simply weren't comfortable in bed with either of your husbands and need to find someone with which you are comfortable.
Regardless, there needs to be respect and understanding in order for sex or a marriage to work as well as it should. And he's the one that's not fulfilling this, not you.
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You are not frigid. There are several definitions of frigid in reference to sex. Not being able to orgasm while having sexual intercourse is only one of them. Not being able to orgasm during intercourse does not mean you are truly frigid either. Your husband may not be an attentive lover and realize you are part of the 20% of women who cannot orgasm strictly through vaginal stimulation.
If you can orgasm through masturbation then I do not believe you meet the definition of Frigid. If you are not apposed to having sex, the other definition, then you are not Frigid.
When a woman masturbates she usually spends a great deal of time stimulating her clitoris rather than vaginal penetration. The result is she has a clitoral orgasm's. Does this sound like you. If so then the problem is just is as much his for not realizing it as it is yours for not telling him you need more clitoral stimulation. T
he fix to this problem is to use positions that allow for more clitoral stimulation. One such position would be the woman superior where you are on top and he is on the bottom. This allows you to control the penetration and your vagina as a whole.
There are other positions you can use such as doggie style and you stimulate your clitoris while he stimulates your vagina with penile penetration. There are others that you can find by simply entering clitoral stimulation during sex into search engine.
You're husband also owes you an apology for what he has called you and for his threat of divorce. IF I was a woman and my husband said that to me. I would tell him to pack his bags and get out. For this is truly a problem of getting to know the sexual needs of your partner and learning how to satisfy them. Your husband has failed in his sexual responsibility to you.
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