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how to avoid a suit and tie


Question Posted Friday December 13 2013, 3:53 pm

im getting sick and tired of mom always trying to put me in a suit and tie or tuxedo whatever they call it i mean maybe on occasions i can where but i just dont want her taking pictures of me in it fitting in is not or will it ever be my thing sticking out is better after all im nobody but me so how could i get her to stop that i dont want to wear a tuxedo especially if its about fitting in .

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Dragonflymagic answered Saturday December 14 2013, 3:02 am:
Not sure if your complaint is mom taking photos of you but demanding that you put on a suit like a business suit. Or if it is about her demanding that you attend black tie events where owning or renting a tux is a must, out of respect for the event itself. For some of the richer families, or their placing in society, it is more about keeping up an image for the public, where fitting the image is more important than being yourself.

In real life of the majority, even at weddings, usually its only the groom and groomsmen who are wearing tuxes, not even the male guests. they may wear dress slacks and a button down shirt or wear a business suit but not a tux. Since you are using the word, tux...I assume that a business suit isn't good enough for mom. If it was a publicity thing for the family name type thing, she wouldn't be the one taking all the photos, it would be professional photographers and reporters and journalists who follow your family around cus of who you are importance celebrity wise. I would ask mom for a compromise. If you own a tux, lets say you set the ground rules that you will agree to pose once a month for a photo in a tux, the rest of the time you will dress in your own personal style and she must respect that.

Good for you on wanting to be your own person, finding your own path and not fit in and become a carbon copy of everyone else. Always be true to yourself. If you are not, you will be unhappy and life will suck. You may have to make a few compromises to keep mom happy if this is so important to her. But the way it really should be is that a parent is more concerned with their child being happy than fitting an image in their mind of how things should be. You might let her know that you wish that her top wish for you would be that you are just happy, nothing else. And just tell her that dressing up so often and expected to do so out of duty to your placing in society is not making you happy. If she persists, then if you are a legal adult or when you become one, I would reassure her that you love her but you will dress as you wish. Being requested to Prove your love for a parent by doing as they wish, and not making your own decisions for life can become a deadly mistake to do. This is a controlling, manipulating tactic which if you decide to go along with it, You lose your own identity and can become depressed enough to give up on life.

Hopefully a good heart to heart talk with mom will set everything straight. If you have already had such talks and it hasn't worked, perhaps there is more light you can shed on your situation so we might have some more specific ideas for you to try.

Good luck.

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lightoftruth answered Friday December 13 2013, 9:23 pm:
If you don't want her taking pictures of you, just sit her and down and explain that to her. Maybe try to be reasonable with her and tell her one picture and that's all.
Wearing a tuxedo to events is not about fitting in. It's out of respect. It's fine to be you, there's nothing wrong with being you but you do need to know that if you're going to a black tie event, you need to dress sharp. If you don't, it's disrespectful.

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Razhie answered Friday December 13 2013, 8:02 pm:
If an event calls for a tuxedo, you should wear a tuxedo.

That's not about 'fitting in'. That is about showing respect by honouring the expectations of your host and the nature of the event your are attending.

It's totally fair to not want photos taken, especially during fittings, and you should tell your mother to stop that.

If you don't want to attend an event, you should be able to talk about that with your mother as well.

But sometimes being part of a family means having certain obligations, and dressing appropriately and respectfully. Refusing to wear a tux ever is not reasonable.

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