|
Facebook messaging a crush
I'm a female in my late 20's..I don't want to overanalyze the whole "how long do guys wait to ask you out" thing, but oh, we'll. Months ago, I met a guy (dude # 1) and a few of his friends at a dance party, and got along well with one of his friends (dude # 2). I thought he was good looking , but didn't pursue him. I actually went out on a date with dude # 1, when really, I was secretly more interested in his friend (dude # 2). Fast forward to the other night, when I sent dude # 2 a drunk message on Facebook, saying that I think I went after the wrong guy (his friend, dude #1). He wrote back saying it was good hearing from me and asked how I was. I wrote him back, and when he replied, he asked if I'd like to meet for a drink sometime. I said I'd love to, to which he replied "great, hope to see you soon." SO, after that, I took the initiative and messaged him my phone number, saying we could make plans for when he is free. That was last night, and I know he's seen my message. It's only been a day, but I thought I'd throw this out there, especially to the guys: How long would a guy typically wait to initiate plans via text message in this sort of scenario? Also, did I maybe seem forthcoming in any way? I didn't think so, but I only waited an hour to reply with my number so I don't know if maybe I seemed too eager. Thanks for the feedback!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. So for dude #2, he probably likes you and thinks it's cute that you feel like you "went for the wrong guy." He's probably a little flattered and yes would like to peruse you. However he may feel reservations based on the fact that his friend is into you. Maybe he doesn't want to do anything too fast because he's worried about breaking some sort of "bro code." Do you have any idea how close of friends they are?
I think you should realize that you are trying to pull a switch-a-roo (you meet someone you like then you meet their friend like them more). It's a very tricky and delicate move, with many opportunities to go wrong and cause drama! I myself have attempted the switch-a-roo 4 times. Only once did it work, thats how i got my current boyfriend and we had a lot of drama, jealousy and hate to deal with from his friend. After being together around 9 months his friend finally started hanging out with us both at the same time. So be happy this guy is taking it slow. He might be trying to be careful because he is about to journey into delicate territory. Maybe he doesn't know how to go about it or if he should do it.
You need to be patient and sensitive. Maybe he will back out and decide he doesn't want to hurt his friend. Maybe you will have to not see either of them for a while. Maybe the thought of dude #1 taking you out needs to be forgotten before you and dude #2 even have a chance.
So in closing, if dude #2 is what you want, don't go out with #1 anymore and sit back and be patient. Getting what you want can be complicated and not always easy. The switch-a-roo is a tricky move but if my calculations are correct you have a 25% chance of success :)
Good Luck Honey!
]
Yup...you are over analyzing. If he was enthusiatic and initiated the idea, he'd like to meet and see where it leads. of course he remembers how well you clicked at a dance party. If you hadn't exchanged numbers right then on FB, messaging it later was an important detail, not being forward because you already have rapport, an ease of talking to each other. It was the overlooked detail needed to talk and decide where to meet and be able to talk if one of you can't find the meeting place.
Yes, its been only a day. You can't have any way of knowing what his schedule is and how busy he is. Or what other unseen events could have come up. Give it another full day and then message him again with perhaps a place you have thought of to meet at and tell him you wondered if he like to meet there on....and pick a day and time.
Some people are terrible at setting appointments but will keep them just fine. If he agrees great, if he has another day and time that works for you, great too. and make sure while on there to exchange phone numbers. The only people i didnt get answers from til days later were ones who lost internet connection or their pc crapped out and had to be replaced or their cell phone crapped out (if they get internet on there) and had to be replaced. Believe me its happened twice, once a friend once a boyfriend.
Then you sit and wait. If he's interested, the ball is in his court. He must act if he meets to meet with you. If some crazy thing is keeping him from contacting you, he will eventually write or call but who knows how long that can be.
When he does contact you, you can always Make a statement but not ask so you don't sound like you had doubts about him. Say, I almost wondered if you had computer problems and not sure if you got my last message. Early on here, trust will have to be earned. If you aren't drilling him with questions he wont feel uncomfortable like being put on the spot. Again, you weren't eager or forward. Take a deep breath, relax. Good luck
]
More Questions: |