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Can't sustain erection
Hi,
I'll get straight to it. I can't keep "it" up.
I'm attracted to this girl, and every time we do it, I can get it up. And everything will be fine for the most part. To stop me finishing too early, I seem to keep stopping and starting. So I will continue, and like I said, everything will be fine. But then, I will go soft. And I'll try to get it up again, but I can't. I try to put it in, but It'll flop right back out again.
And it get's me really frustrated. I thought it was because of smoking, so I stopped. But it still happens. I'm comfortable around the girl, and she's given me the whole "You know I like you, even if you can't finish?" and it just feels patronizing - even though I know she means it.
So yes, I'm pretty sure I could sustain it if I were to finish early - but I want it to be good for her too, and so I don't.
Anything I can do or try?
Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
Aside from the advice you already have received I know of a product that may work. Adult novelty stores sell plastic rings that slide on and trap blood flow to male genitals so intercourse can last normal time frame.
They go by a very vulgar name that can't be repeated here but ask any of their clerks for this ring and they'll know. Provided you are 18-years-old and can enter the store this may be a possible short term solution but do see a urologist to rule out medical problems.
Also, if especially on NEW medication or even old with any changes look into whether there is sexual side-effects.
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Aged 20, assuming no underlying health problem (diabetes?) it's unlikely to be a physical problem. Heavy smoking for a long time could cause damage to all-important blood vessels and arteries (as blood flow = erection). But I doubt you'll have smoked long enough at 20..and it's not an inevitable consequence of smoking anyway. Do you feel physically fit? Generally in good nick? Not preoccupied with work or personal stresses anxieties? Not insecure in your relationship with her? Negative answers to these can affect a blokes performance at any time of life. If any apply, you know where to start looking for a solution. The fact that you do 'get it up' further decreases the likelhihood of physical problems. You might be in a bit of a 'vicious circle' of failiure if it's happened a few more times than you'd like. You expect to lose your erection, so you lose your erection, which builds up the expectation that it will 'fail' again next time...and so on. How about agreeing this course of action for a while? You pleasure your lady without penetrating her (total winner if she enjoys oral and you like giving!). Then start, and as soon as you feel the urge to finish-off...go with it. No trying to delay it. And make a fuss of her afterwards if she needs/wants you to. Until you're into a 'virtuous circle' of getting excited over her, and climaxing with her. Then start to increase the time you're inside her...SLOWLY. Each time your confidence will grow..you'll start to feel more in control of the situation. Fears of it 'going floppy' get less. If you do feel that it's about to fail, let yourself go this time, straight away...before the fear of failure can 'get a foot-hold' again. And go BACK a step or two next time. Hopefully you'll both be enjoying some long and pleasurable sessions quite soon, which will repay the effort. Confidence makes hard things easy, and lack of it makes easy things seem difficult. With sex, as with an aful lot of things. Have fun. And yes, a woman who says nice things...however sincerely will feel patronising to a bloke in these circumstances. Shows her heart's in the right place though, so you be patient with her...and 'understand back' as you might say? It's reckoned that about 60% of blokes will at some time in their life have a spell of not getting or keeping it up as well as they want. 60& means every other one of us in effect. More often than not it's when that old 'black dog' of stress/anxiety/mild depression has got hold of us. If there's something really on your mind you will find it all comes back to you perfectly when it's 'sorted' and you're more 'yourself' again. Which I appreciate may be difficult, depending on the cause of the stress and how hard it is to remove it. Can a tough long-term contract/assignment/client etc at work mean your desire goes a bit cool when you're not even AT work? When you're loving your pretty girlfriend? I'm afraid, yes it can. And does sometimes. What it's NOT is a slur on your 'manhood' or a reflection of how desirable and sexy your partner is. The last bit, you might like to reassure her with if she seems to get a bit 'touchy'. Best wishes.
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