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Why can't I finish?
I hate that I can't come anymore unless I grind. I try to get that in my boyfriends head and he won't understand. It's not as exciting for him to watch when I just grind but that's the only times I come. He wants me to do all this and for him I do and then I fake an orgasm practically all the time. I'd love to be able to tell him but I can't. I get too nervous and talk about something else. And now every time we put on a show for each other I have to fake an orgasm and I don't know what to do. What can I say to like hint to this? I know I'm too embarrassed to come straight out with it. And if I do tell him, I know that he will say that oh I've been lying to him and how he can't trust me and he'll get all upset. I've been with him for over a year and I don't want to break up. But I just don't know what I can do anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
The key to any successful sexual relationship is communication. Each of you need to communicate to each others your sexual likes, don't likes and desires. Then you as the women have to teach the man how to make love to you by showing him where you like to be touched and how.(more on this in a bit)
As to why you grind? The most logical answer is that you are among the 20% of women who are clitorially stimulated over vaginal stimulation. You grind to stimulate your clitoris so you can orgasm.
Now as young men/boys we learn about sex through watching porn movies and reading porn stories. These are not meant as educational guides. They mostly focus on a woman's vagina so that's were we focus when we first start making love.
We men have very fragile egos when it came to love making. We all think we are the worlds greatest lovers. We are not; we have to be taught by are partners how they like to be made love to and our partners need to know what we like. Most men have no problem telling a women to do this or I want to do this to you. For some reason even today's sexually liberated women will not stand up for her sexual rights in bed, but this is what you must do. Especially if like you and need more clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
The time to talk about this is not when your in bed messing up the sheets. The time to talk about this is in the living room during cuddle time. If your boyfriend truly loves and respects you; Once he knows why you grind then I believe he will understand and not be upset but maybe more ashamed of himself for misunderstanding your needs.
Once you have had this conversation then you can research on the web or buy books that will show different positions where you will get more clitoral stimulation.
I have been married for 41 years. My wife likes the occasional clitoral orgasm. While it is nice to be able to come together when she is in the mood for a clitoral orgasm, she does not have to say so in words, she told me early on in our sexual relations about her needs before we married. I can tell by the positions we find yourself in. When this happens I don't mind letting her work to her orgasm for I know after she has hers she will not leave me hanging and help me to a wonderful orgasm as well.
So talk to your boyfriend, maybe have him spend more time stimulating your clitoris during oral sex and foreplay. Maybe buy some toys such as a cock ring. Find new positions. This does not have to a relationship problem. This can be a door opener into a whole new sexual relationship for you both.
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Now this depends on why you grind. I have found that there is two reasons to grind. Some women have a spot deep in their vagina that if a man has the length to reach, quick stroking it with the head of his penis can cause quite an exciting orgasm. The key here is short stroking once you find it. Despite what they say about the inner vagina having little to no feeling, some women do have this spot. Most women grind to bring the male pelvis against the clitoris, and I'm assuming this is what you do. This requires almost no movement by the guy and most men don't understand this, because all they know is it takes a lot of movement for them personally. First thing I suggest is, stop faking your orgasm with him and tell him you don't have to orgasm in order to enjoy sex with him, but if he does want to learn how to make you orgasm, you can tell him how, then just tell him what I have just told you. If he takes it wrong, well frankly he'd be stupid to do it, any man would. To have a women who's willing to tell you the hidden secrets within is a blessing that I wish I had learned when I was young. He has to learn that one speed does not a lover make. There is time for long and time for short and you know best when those times are. Give your guy clues, not hints, guys don't understand hints.
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There are positions which may help. Also, have you considered using toys during intercourse? Such as *pardon my language* cock rings? They have some with vibrating ends on them for clitoral stimulation during intercourse. As for positions, why not you be on top while he is inside of you, and do a grinding motion? Or is that what you were talking about? If so, try the vibrating ring, it may help. If he asks why, just say, "I want to try new things with you." Also, there are gels/lubricants out there which also sensitize the female genitalia area, making it easier to reach climax during intercourse. It's something to look into. If you are too shy to go into a shop and look around, try looking online when you have the time. Don't worry about it showing up on your card bill as "sex toys blah blah" most if not all adult toy online shops are good with privacy, and show up on your bill as something else, as well as when they mail the package, it won't show where it really came from, so you won't have to worry about someone seeing and what not.
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