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a Poem i wrote
Heres a poem that i wrote tips and advice feedback are all welcome.Do you know any good sites for this?
Two cold hands cover my eyes
I hide from the world
Pain overwhelms me
but at least I can feel
If it all ends soon
I think I'd be fine
You seemed to be deaf to my shreiks of agony
But you hear me now?
Mever so alone here
One more cut
deep and clean and I'm done.
No more cold
pain
shame
ugly
worry
agony
hiding
blood
yes with this one cut---
I end it all.
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Your Poem feels empty because of how you wrote it and i feel sad about reading this. I like your poem but you still need your spell checks and do not write so many things that have the same meaning at the same time
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good but you just might want to spell check over your stuff and the way your phrase things was kind of odd. but it was good. =) you should join allpoetry.com it's a very great website to share your poetry and get to do contests and see other poets' works.
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it's very descriptive, but i think it could use a bit more of a smoother flow to it.. you could also add more punctuation to help the reader know how you want it to be expressed/read.
also, sometimes you may not want to be as vague with your words, you could use a thesaurus to try and use more descriptive words.. for example, instead of ugly you could use repulsive or unsightly.. i hope you don't feel that way about yourself, but hey, poetry is all about expression!
you can go on the website poetry.com and put your poems up for people to leave comments and rate it. if you rate other people's poems you are more likely to get yours rated because the site will try and help you out. good luck :)
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This poem is well written but a bit concerning.
I have been writing for 18+ years, This poem speaks of someone who is depressed.
On another note, well written and heart felt. I really like two cold hands cover my eyes' Very detailed.
Well done
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