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Why can't I reach orgasm?
19/f
I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. We haven't had sex yet but we have done everything else. He is so good at touching me but for some reason I never orgasm. I feel guilty about this because he tries so hard and always does such a wonderful job but I still can't orgasm. Sometimes I fake it but honestly I just want to orgasm for real. Please help me I don't know what's wrong with me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
could be a self-concience issue, are you guilty of ANYTHING, because that can block your ability to reach that state of relaxness. or maybe he just hasnt touched you "just right"
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You have to guard against over-personalisation, basically 'It worked with me...so it MUST work for you.' Let's just say 'This works for SOME'. There's only one entry requirement. That is that you can come when you're on your own by masturbating. Pick a time when you're feeling relaxed, but horny. Lay down on the bed and basically let your boyfriend watch while you make yourself come. Only watch. MAYBE a gentle stroke of your thighs or tummy from time to time, but NO MORE than that. If it works it's for two reasons. When you come you're emotionally 'laid-bare' as it were. You're ultra-feminine but also ultra vulnerable. Doing this gets you tuned-in to letting-go totally with a bloke around. I've honestly known a woman say she 'bet her face must look really funny and I must look stupid when I come'. And I'm thinking 'What! It looks bloody AMAZING and I LOVE it!!' Secondly, he's watching. No need to to try and explain, he'll SEE exactly what works for you technique-wise and he can try to replicate it when it's his turn. (So soft-lights by the way, don't put on you feminine 'show' in the pitch-dark or it sort of defeats the object!). Now you might be thinking. 'No Way! Do that in front of him? I'd die of shame!' It's more likely that once you get started it's the shame that will actually die. Might be worth a thought?? Inhibitons are best killed-off. They act as a brake on what we feel and even what we do. I know plenty of women enjoy sex without reaching climax, but if YOU feel the need to come, well...you need to come and that's all that counts!
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Have you ever had an orgasm, like with someone else or with yourself? If not, there is nothing wrong with you. This article may help you feel better.
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Have you told your boyfriend that you sometimes have trouble orgasming? You should. There's no reason to feel embarrassed. As long as you approach it in a nice way and make sure he knows that it has nothing to do with him and that he actually does a great job, it'll be fine. This is really something you have to share with him if you want any chance. It's going to be rough bringing it up, but as long as you do NOT bring it up right after you've been intimate, he shouldn't take it too hard. Just gather up the courage and do it. You know it has to be done.
There are a lot of women out there in your situation. Has your boyfriend been focusing on your vagina, your clitoris, or both? Clitoral stimulation is more likely to lead to orgasm. Have you tried a vibrator? You don't have to do it alone, have your boyfriend try it. You may need a faster rhythm than he can provide. Have you explored your body yourself? If you can figure out how to give yourself an orgasm you could give you boyfriend tips so he can do it too. It may be easy to give yourself one. Whatever happens, do not be discouraged. There are a lot of women out there that have never had one and never will. There are others that can give themselves one, but can't seem to get one from someone else. Unfortunately, that's just the way it works.
If you've already had an orgasm, what you really need to focus on his instructing your boyfriend. Tell him what to do. Show him what to do. There's really no other way. It may be a little uncomfortable if you're not used to doing that, but it should be worth it. Good luck! :)
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