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Lack of Orgasm
I have been sexually active for 6 years. I have had a number of different partners of different penis lengths, widths, sizes, shapes, and talent. Although I've had such a variety of different sexual experiences, one thing always remains the same: I can't orgasm during intercourse.
Not only am I unable to orgasm during intercourse, it just simply doesn't feel good. I love my boyfriend dearly, but sex has come down to having a 200lb man thrust himself into me until he cums or who makes me get on top, knowing my insecurities about my body - which just makes things even worse.
The most embarrassing part about this entire issue, is that I will soon be attending graduate school to work towards a PhD in Human Sexuality to help others overcome their sexual problems. How in the world can I feel comfortable counseling others when I can't even counsel myself?!
Some points to know when replying to my question:
1. I have been with the same man for quite some time. He has been sexually active for 6 years, but had mostly long term partners, where as I, on the other hand, have have more short term partners.
2. The only way I have ever been able to achieve orgasm, even by myself, is for me to by laying on my back with my legs straight out and clenching my legs very tightly while stimulating my clitoris. On very rare occasion, I can climax by my stimulating my clitoris and my man stimulating my gspot with his fingers.
3. We have tried almost every position in the world, but we are always up for more suggestions!
I could really use some advice on how to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse.
Thank you,
20/F
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It makes me sad to see how much damage this has caused to your self-esteem and relationship with your partner. Instead of being able to enjoy sex you both are to put it mildly resenting each other. He's definitely not helping as he's interested in his climax and not as much yours these days.
The problem you have affects roughly 20% of all women. They can't achieve orgasm easily or at all through sex (penetration) alone. It could be a physical issue (see your gynecologist) or just the way your body reacts or doesn't.
These women need clitoral, oral and other stimulation in conjunction to intercourse to climax. And that's okay. Your partner needs to stimulate you as well and you have to learn on your own what feels good and clue him in and relax as being too determined to have one can work against. Try to put the fun, spontaneity and even imagination (fantasize) into it as all the articles on this say that.
Next if you are a PHD or even have a shot at one it's because of your brilliance as well as compassion and knowledge. You will be excellent as a counselor in your field and not because you have 1 orgasm or multiple yourself. In fact, last week I saw a show on sexual problems where an ob/gyn admitted she had problems with it herself.
If you have found re: point 2 you made that this position and activity gets you to climax that's great and nothing bad if it's all for now. You should keep exploring on your own through self-pleasure as that's probably key to unlocking this issue and discovering ways to enjoy sexual experiences with your partner.
Here's a good article for you on myths and tips to combating inability to climax [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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