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Orgasm: I get SO close... but not quite there. Why?
Ok so me and my boyfriend are waiting to have sex but whenever he fingers me I feel like it's coming but it just doesn't get there. I feel like I have to like try to imagine it instead of knowing I'm there. It gets me so close but I don't know what to do. So any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
The difference between a guy and a girl is not just physical. A guy can get off with very little stimulation just about anywhere any time.
For a girl sex is more complicated. A girl/women can't just undress and let a guy have at her. She needs to feel secure and comfortable. She needs to be aroused properly and properly stimulated. Most importantly she needs to know her own body. Unlike a guy who only needs to have his penis stimulated. A girl/women can be more clitoral than vaginal.
If you are one of the women who are more clitoral than vaginal. You can be fingered from now until next Tuesday and the big O will hang there. You clitoris is where you are most sensitive and that is where you need to be stimulated.
The problem you face is also two fold. You may need different stimulation than girls he may have been with before you or how he has taught himself to please a girl. You need to teach him how you like to be fingered. This is where the second problem comes in. The male ego is a fragile thing. If you attempt to show him how to please you you could signal him to thinking he is a bad lover. This is not really true. He may be just an inconsiderate lover.
Sex is a wonderful thing between TWO CONSENTING ADULTS. As you grow older and deepen your sex life you will find if you start by asking your lover how he likes to be touched, both orally and manually, then you will have a more pleasant love life. This also opens the door for you to show him how you like to be touched. To show him that you need more clitoral stimulation. That just fingering your vagina doesn't do it for you.
By asking him first then showing him doesn't shatter the male ego. This also leads to a better love life between the two of you. Make sure your lover always wears a condom. While a condom does not protect from all STDs it does protect from some. You should be on birth control as well. This gives you the comfort level you need as the pull out method does not work. Precum has enough semen in it to make you pregnant.
Once you are properly stimulated and have the comfort and security you need to be relaxed the big O your looking for should happen.
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What you describe is a vicious cycle.
The best way to orgasm is to learn to relax and let the sensations just do what they're going to do. It may also help if he gives your clit some oral stimulation while he fingers you.
So the next time you guys do it, take a deep breath, let your body go limp and try to just empty your mind out and don't have any expectations or attempt to force things. That will give your brain the room to allow the sensations to build organically without extraneous input (your thoughts) interfering so that you can have a satisfying release.
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