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I want... no NEED a boyfriend


Question Posted Thursday October 16 2003, 6:17 pm

Everybody in my school has already had like 10 boy/girl friends... I've had none. Thats right... zip, zero, zilch! They all say how great it is to be hooked up, and they always have someone to dance with at activity nite. I have nobody!

Sincerely,
BoyCrazy


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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


hiwatari answered Saturday November 8 2003, 5:41 pm:
damn, girl! having a boyfriend isn't just for having one! maybe some people at school do that. just for the heck. but it will become nothing! take your time. make sure that when you find someone, it's what you really want. other people might soon be on the floor crying all around you about a breakup, but you can be standing hard as a rock. you don't need a boyfriend if you're still this immature, as to want one just because everyone else is doin it. wait until you know what love is.
"What did i know, what did i know, of love's painful austares?"

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nicholii answered Tuesday October 21 2003, 9:37 am:
if everyone else has had "like 10 boy/girl friends", then doesn't that mean that they've broken up with like 10 people? and how, may i ask, is that a good thing?
i've never had a boyfriend myself, but a few crushes. none of it ever got very serious, i just got good friends out of it.
now, since my friends and i have started high school, a few of them have gone 'boy-crazy', and there's been this huge fight. there's been a lot of b***hing, and it aint nice. it seems to me that going out with people when there's nothing really in it just makes life difficult. i have nothing against having a boyfriend, but it's better to have boy friends, not boyfriends if it's just so you can be like "everyone else". good luck!!

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Gealach answered Sunday October 19 2003, 7:00 pm:
oh ya, ur right...u need a boyfriend, hell i think u should date the next guy u see! jeeze girl no one needs a boyfriend...i understand the feeling of loneliness, but u dont need a boyfriend. plus, u can dance with ppl besides boyfriends...if u want a boyfriend because there's a specific guy u like, alright fine, but dont go out and try to find a boyfriend because all ur other friends have them!!

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ScaperJess answered Sunday October 19 2003, 12:48 pm:
Having a boyfriend is not all its cracked up to be, many times two people can become infatuated with each other and end up losing friends. You can end up heart broken when it doesn't work out. You could break his heart. You could fight, yell even so much as the horrible, get out of that relationship now, physical abuse. You could end up getting new pressures for physical intimacy (sex). Consider if you’re really ready for a relationship or are you just getting pressured to want one. The "all my friends have one" shows me per pressure is evident. Enjoy being single, laugh at your friends while there tied down and you can have free weekends, and while there crying about fights they had, knowing you don't have to deal with that. Don't spend your free time moping about and trying to find a guy, you're setting yourself up for a bad relationship, rather, enjoy being single and when you find a guy that you really like when ever it may be enjoy that! I didn't get a bf till I was a senior and I have senior friends that still haven't had one, and there perfectly happy! Haveing a boyfriend can be great, being in love is great, having someone to hold on to is amazing, and I can say I'm so happy with my boyfriend, but that is only because i waited and found the right person. I didn't search the globe for some guy as desperate as me... don't worry love will find you one day...

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Girlwithamansname answered Saturday October 18 2003, 6:08 am:
I know how you fell but,as everyone has said; nobody needs a boyfriend.

If there is a specific guy you would like to be with then OK fair enough but it's not worth going out with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend.

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Belgand answered Saturday October 18 2003, 4:06 am:
As everyone else has already said you don't need a boyfriend.

You're also not a freak for not having one. I started dating my girlfriend of close to four years when I was 19 and it's been the only actual relationship for either of us. A friend of mine is a sophmore in college and has never had a "girlfriend". Other friends have dated one or two people and are likewise in their early twenties. Most people didn't have a girlfriend of boyfriend in high shool and if they did there was maybe one or two if it was more than some two week fling.

You'll probably find someone later on in life, but it's really not a big deal.

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chocolatenutbar answered Thursday October 16 2003, 9:35 pm:
First of all, relax. Boys aren't that important. They're more of a hassle than anything else. Boyfriends are more than just posessions, they're people too (some people say that, anyway). You should at least somewhat kinda care about a person before you start dating them.

If you're really looking for a guy, check out places outside of your school (other schools, the mall, various other community gatherings) and start doing new things. Join clubs, sports, anything. It'll help you meet new people and quite possibly the boyfriend you're looking for.

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downwithhydrogen answered Thursday October 16 2003, 9:32 pm:
THOU SHALT NOT NEED A BOYFRIEND. Seriously, no. I went through a phase where I *thought* I needed one, when a bunch of my other friends were getting boyfriends, but here's the end result: both the guys I liked turned out to be jerks (and this became apparent before I ever got the chance to even ask them out). Guys are fun to hang out with and just chill, but there's no reason why anyone ever NEEDS a boyfriend.

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tiwonge answered Thursday October 16 2003, 9:28 pm:
I knew this girl in college who literally could not go a day without having a boyfriend. If she dumped a guy, she'd have another guy waiting in the wings, and she'd start going out with him.
She got married about a year ago, and the last time I talked to her (about 6 months into the marriage), it was already breaking apart.

She had serious self-esteem problems, I think, and that's why she needed to have a boyfriend all the time. He'd tell her she was OK, because she didn't believe it of herself.

I don't know what to say about you getting a boyfriend, but I will say this: as long as you're single, make the most of it. Make sure you know who you are, so that when you do get a boyfriend, you won't be so attached. You'll still be your own person. To thine own self be true.

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SparklyStar answered Thursday October 16 2003, 9:12 pm:
Don't listen to them! I'm a 16-year-old junior in high school, and I haven't even had a boyfriend yet! I'm sure having a boyfriend is great and all, but your over all happiness shouldn't depend on boys. Don't try and rush into things and go out with some random boy for a week just to say that you've had a boyfriend. Just be patient. I'm sure that at some point you'll have a boyfriend, and maybe you'll think, "I don't see what the big deal is." Because whether or not you have a boyfriend shouldn't be a big deal.

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Kira_Valoka answered Thursday October 16 2003, 8:23 pm:
I dont really HAVE a boyfreind, just boys who are freinds. But I can sort of give you advice (A quiz i took said i'm a good person to give out tips on meeting guys :) )
1 talk to the guy like he's your buddy. dont say stupid things like "homedoggy" and dont punch him in the arm. just talk like youre not trying to make a boyfreind or intimidate. All you're doing is saying hi.
2 NERDS AND GEEKS ARE NOT EVIL!!! They are intelligent people who are just misjudged.
3 Take it slow.

see? 3 easy steps.
just make freinds w/ some guys. If it gets romantic, great. if not, youve still got some good freinds

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snarfism answered Thursday October 16 2003, 8:20 pm:
Dear BoyCrazy,
Hmm, well first of all, do you really want a boy? If you want to hook up just to hook up, it'll be kinda boring cause you won't really be happy. Don't force yourself to like somebody who isn't worth your affections. From your letter, it doesn't seem like you're crushing, so if I were you, i'd just wait till the right guy came along, and take the plunge. If he rejects you, don't worry, you wouldn't want to dance with that insensitive jerk anyway!
P.S. If you are in elementary school I forbid you to date until at least middle school.

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Splitzy answered Thursday October 16 2003, 8:07 pm:
Dance with yourself. Our make a dummy, and dance with that.

The dummy can be your boyfriend, best friend, and everything else you need.

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GeekGirl answered Thursday October 16 2003, 7:44 pm:
First of all... not 'everyone in your school' has had 10 relationships. Exaggerating like that just makes you feel worse.

I didn't date ANYONE in junior high or high school. I rarely dated in college. I had wonderful friends and a great time. Then, after college I met a wonderful man.

I asked HIM out. We've been together for two years.

It will happen.

High School boys are immature idiots for the most part, anyway.

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SMINT answered Thursday October 16 2003, 7:21 pm:
WRONG! You don't need a boyfriend. No one does.

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Ckwop answered Thursday October 16 2003, 7:04 pm:
I thought the same at one point in my life.

"I NEED A GIRLFRIEND.. AND I'M A FREAK FOR NOT HAVING ONE"

You already know the answer to this question but your heart wont listen..

"You don't need a boyfriend"

To realise the full implications of this answer takes a long time.. this is part of the adventure of growing up. The problem I find is that the only way to learn what it is to be *you* and why you *don't* need a boyfriend is by having one and realising that it isn't the silver bullet you once thought.

However, this is all water under the bridge.. So let's focus on the task at hand:

======================
Obtaining a boyfriend
======================

You need to first seek out someone who you think might fancy you. Go with your gut.. your gut is probably right (evolution would suggest that we evolved a good sixth-sense for this purpose).

Next, you need to be assertive. Let them know that your confident about yourself and that your proud to be you. Guy's like that.. be forward too.. Ask guys out.. The worst they can say is No.

I'll repeat, the worst they can say is No.

Most guys will be flattered.. Those that aint aren't worth bothering with..

Don't take rejection to hard. Rejection is not an attack on you. The person that rejected doesn't know much about you.

They might reject what they think they know about you.. It just shows a defect in the way you marketed yourself.. not of the product itself.

The key is just to believe in yourself and you should bag a guy quickly..

Simon

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Maplesyrup answered Thursday October 16 2003, 6:45 pm:
Why do you need a boyfriend? Just because everybody else has a boy/girl friend, doesn't mean you have to get one. Everyone works at his/her pace, because having a boy/girlfriend when you're not ready just because everyone else has one is like taking your training wheels off your bike when you're not ready. Having a boyfriend is not always good, sometimes there's fights, break-ups, and rejection. And even if you are ready, do you want a boyfriend because of what others say or because you truly like a boy? You may just break the boy's heart if you decide you don't like having a boyfriend, or vice versa. If you get a boyfriend because you truly like a boy and not because everyone else brags about having one, then go for it.

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Turc answered Thursday October 16 2003, 6:37 pm:
No, you don't NEED a boyfriend. Sure, you may be jealous of your friends, but whatever. There's no written law anywhere telling you that you NEED a boyfriend. And if your friends are telling you that, they're dead wrong. You should be capable of being perfectly happy with being independent. Becoming co-dependent only makes you vulnerable and seem "easy". While your friends may be saying how great it is to be "hooked up", some of them could very well be lying. They could just be saying that to make you jealous (and it seems to be working) or to make themselves look good. Remember-- my favorite philosophy-- if everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you jump? You can stick with the right boy when the time comes. Remember-- quality, not quantity.

Besides, chances are, the more bad experiences you have, the less motivated you'll be to go out with a guy again and again-- and then when the right guy comes along, you'll be too worn out and wary to even bother.

Enjoy being single while it lasts. And slow-dancing, especially in pre-pubescence, is definitely not all it's cracked up to be, take it from me. ;)

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Draak answered Thursday October 16 2003, 6:24 pm:
You do NOT need a boyfriend. No one NEEDS anyone but themselves in life. Yes, it would be nice to have one, but to force a relationship isn't the way to go. Stop worrying about it so much. Besides, at activity night, why have a boyfriend when you can dance with any boy you want.

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